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Courage

I knew a guy once whose dad was the king of getting good deals out of retailers. He even got a salesman in a store to give him the tie he was wearing. I do not have that kind of mojo.

I don’t even have a little of it. In fact, having to try to ask for a deal or have someone go out of their way for me in a store is dreadful. Full o’ dread. You say I can get a discount if I ask? Fat chance. I’m just going to hope they offer it. They didn’t do a good job and I should ask them to do it again? I’ll get over it.

So I’ve been putting off a task that involves this unpalatable activity. I had a ring resized a few weeks ago, and it’s been taking skin with it each time I try to get it off. Some friends encouraged me to take it back and have him do it again, and to not charge me. Oy.

But, long story slightly shorter, I did it. He was actually quite gracious about it and did it immediately. See, Gina, now was that so hard? Victory over my silly self!

What are you calling victory today?

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Feeling at Home

It was just over 13 months ago that I wrote this post about the nebulous feeling of home. I did not know then how long it would take for this house to feel like home.

I remember the first time our place overseas felt like home. We had been in the States for a summer, and when we returned overseas, we walked in the door and both felt like we had come home. I think that was after the first three years.

So it was with great joy, and a sense of victory over the process of transition, that I walked into my house yesterday (through the front door, no less – had to get the library books that had been left near it) and I was home. Do you know that feeling? It’s that moment when your heart just relaxes because this is the place. Home.

What are you calling victory today?

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Third Culture Kids

We just returned from watching the movie Gravity and I am convinced of two things:

1) Astronaut has always been low in my career ranking, but after seeing that it’s just not even in the running anymore, and . . .

2) My victory today is our kids.

See, I was reflecting, on the drive home, about the re-entry astronauts have to endure when coming back to earth, which got me thinking about the whole re-entry into American culture, and I thought, “Wow. Our kids are pretty amazing.”

It’s not easy as an adult to mentally and emotionally adjust back to the States after 13 years away, but for our kids it’s literally a foreign country that they’re trying to learn to call home. And they’re kids also going through all the normal stuff kids have to figure out. Yet they’re pressing on every day, making friends, learning how to do school, embracing what comes. I’m crazy proud of them and how they’ve endured. That’s no small victory.

What are you calling victory today?

Continue ReadingThird Culture Kids

Oh well

This day started out well. We dropped the kids off at the carpool meeting point and drove to the office where I was able to spend a morning writing. I left for errands around 12:30, and that’s when it all went south.

In addition to being a do-er, I am a big fan of efficiency as well. I strategize my errands like I’m planning a war. I had mine arranged for a clear victory.

The first store was closed. The second one wouldn’t let me return the item. The third wouldn’t let me use a gift card and a coupon. At the fourth, I left a coupon for $1.25 in the car. Along the way I looked for the cheapest gas. I thought I found it on Colonial, but the price hadn’t been updated (I hate Colonial with most of my being). I fueled up on Alafaya, then noticed that the gas station I normally use right near school was cheaper, which was unfortunate because going to Alafaya meant driving University to school, and on both roads I hit every. single. light.

When I saw gas even cheaper close to home I burst out laughing. I’m pretty sure I heard God laughing too. I know I couldn’t have laughed at that point though if, somewhere along the way (I think at store #2) I began to employ the phrase, “Oh well.” In other words, let it go.

Are you sensing a theme? I like order and routine and generally for things to go my way. I like to think that’s the way to victory, but I’m discovering that victory is more often found in my internal choices. Today, it was a simple, “oh well” over and over, until I could simply laugh about it all.

What are you calling victory today?

Continue ReadingOh well

Being over Doing

If you haven’t realized this already, I like to do. Just do, do, do. It’s not that I feel I must do things, it’s that I like to do things. A lot of things. Really more than I could do in a lifetime, let alone a day. (truthfully, there are some things I probably ought to do that I am wildly adept at avoiding).

It’s difficult, on the days when the kids are home for school, not to plan what I want to do as well. Part of what made last Wednesday so nutty was that I had a dozen things of my own going on while trying to help the kids. Brilliant move on my part.

They’re sharp, kids are. They know when we are distracted, preoccupied, only half-with them. Not only do my attempts to do other things while they need me actually make everything take longer, I’m sure it doesn’t communicate love well.

Today, I determined to set aside my to do’s and just focus on the kids. I didn’t do it perfectly by any means, but I’m learning that victory isn’t about perfection. It’s about the fact that you tried and kept trying. Side bonus: I don’t feel sucked dry at the end of the day. Ah, limits – one day I will accept them as my friends.

What are you calling victory today?

Continue ReadingBeing over Doing

Making Memories

Living overseas for over a decade means we’ve missed out on many things, particularly autumn activities, because in all that time we never came back during the fall. Now, we had a great community of expat friends which means that we certainly tried to replicate holidays and traditions we’d had in America, but it was never quite the same.

Now that we’re back, we’re trying to figure out which activities we want to do, and how to do them. One of those is jack o’ lanterns. Pumpkins weren’t very big overseas (or if they were, they were expensive) and when you live in an apartment with people who don’t celebrate Halloween, putting a creepily carved lit pumpkin outside your door is sure to disturb the neighbors.

The kids were thrilled the other day to see huge pumpkins at the store for $4 each (I don’t know if this is cheap. It seemed ridiculously cheap to us). Yesterday, despite being tired from a weekend away, I decided it would be a great time to do this with the kids.

I knew, as every parent knows, that I would probably end up doing the majority of the work. Surprisingly, the kids wanted to clean out the insides of their pumpkins themselves, for the most part. Megan named hers Robert Patrick McKinn, nickname Bobrick McKinn, which is decidedly awesome. We decided to write our family name in Mandarin on them, so that was definitely my job with the knife. We were told later that they won’t last long, which is disappointing, but honestly – we’d happily do it again. We’re making up for lost time!

So that’s my victory for Sunday – making memories with the kids. And not only memories, but ones that build into their connection back to the U.S. I’m almost hoping we’ll have to do more (although I’m guessing they won’t be as keen the second time around).

What are you calling victory today?

Continue ReadingMaking Memories

The True Self

Years ago, a friend of mine and I had a conversation about being comfortable in our own skin. It was about more than just body image; it was the idea that we could be completely settled into who we are as people. We wanted to be completely ourselves, without apology, without wondering what others thought. We agreed that we weren’t quite there yet.

I can’t say I live there all the time now either, but I have certainly grown in it. I do know that how accepting I am of myself is in direct correlation with how much time I spend listening to the Father’s heart for me, and resting in who He says I am.

My victory for Saturday is that I was me. It was a lot like how I felt when I wrote this post last spring (except for the whole day, and not just a dental appointment). This was great because I was away for the weekend with several women I was just getting to know. It could have been difficult, not knowing how I fit or how to navigate these new relationships, but the quality of these women and the content they chose for our time together made it the easiest thing to just bring all of me, uncensored, to the table.

This feels like a greater victory during transition, because transition can throw your whole identity into question. I’ve been learning through this time that I have to go back more frequently than usual to who I am in Him. I’m reminded of this quote from one of my favorite authors, Henri Nouwen,  “As long as I keep running about asking: ‘Do you love me? Do you really love me?’ I give all power to the voices of the world and put myself in bondage because the world is filled with ‘ifs’.” This temptation grows stronger in transition because the voices in the world have changed and it’s easy to forget that who we truly are hasn’t.

I’ll close with another quote from another favorite author, Brennan Manning, who said, “Define yourself radically as one beloved by God. This is the true self. Every other identity is illusion.” Every day is a victory when I remember this.

What are you calling victory today?

Continue ReadingThe True Self

Pants

I realize this is late, but I was away for the weekend in a hotel with no internet service, and I just can’t type a whole post on my phone. And here you thought I’d given up. Never!

And now for something fairly shallow: my victory for Friday was pants. Yes, pants.

The weather is slowly turning cooler here in Orlando, which is wonderful. I love wearing warmer clothes, and because I chill easily, anything less than 80 degrees is justification for me to wear pants. Problem is, I don’t have a lot of pants.

You see, God saw fit to give me the curvy body of a woman on the skeletal frame of the average 6th grader. This makes clothes shopping relatively difficult. Most women’s departments do not run small enough for me, and most juniors departments do not expect their shoppers to have borne two children. Or to have hips. Or a sense of modesty. Finding something suitable can be a challenge.

That’s why it was a great victory when I ordered some pants in the mail and they fit perfectly! It shouldn’t have been a great surprise because I already own two pairs of the same pants in other colors, but I bought the other ones a year ago and you just never know when they’re going to change things. Honestly, this made my day. I think I’m going to buy every color they have.

What are you calling victory today?

Continue ReadingPants

Progress

I went on a school field trip today. This is the second trip I’ve attended with my daughter’s class. The first one inspired this post about feeling weird. Not one of my finer days.

Today’s victory, when looking back on that first field trip, is progress. Transition progress, that is. That first day, standing in the group of moms who were also learning about the early settlers of Florida and their fort building ways, I wanted to crawl in a hole with my weird stories about my former life. Some of the moms kindly introduced themselves to me. Some of them looked at me like maybe I was lost. I was, just not in the way they thought. I had no excess relational energy to squander on filling them in as to who I was.

I have not become an extrovert in the interim, but I can say that it was the easiest thing today to hang with the other moms. Some of them I was seeing for the second time, the first being the previous trip where we said not two words to one another. I rectified that. I even threw in a few weird China stories – hey, they’re part of the package. It was fun.

It’s encouraging to feel like my heart has simmered down enough where I can step out of my comfort zone and actually walk away energized by it. Definitely doing the victory dance today.

What are you calling victory?

Continue ReadingProgress

Perseverance

Today was a tough day. Wednesdays usually are. I won’t go into details, but suffice to say emotions ran high today in the Butz house, and they wore this mama down.

My victory is not that I took it all in stride or responded consistently with love or managed to turn it all around for good – those are the things I was hoping would be true. But my victory is that I stayed in it. I tried. I persevered. I prayed, “Oh Lord Jesus” more times than I can count. He stood with me as we held the hill in the battle. It doesn’t feel so much like victory as it does just not throwing up the white flag. I live to die another day. For now, I collapse into bed.

What are you calling victory today?

Continue ReadingPerseverance

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