God Archives - Page 4 of 4 - Gina Brenna Butz

This is assigned

Post author:Gina B
Post published:April 18, 2013
Post category:faith

“How accurate are these things?”

“Umm . . . the box says 99%.

“So it could be wrong. Right?”

“I think that means it might say you aren’t, but you really are. Not the other way around.”

So began our parenting adventure 17 years ago, just months before we planned to head overseas to live long term. I have to say, it wasn’t the most thrilling moment of my life. In fact, I was stunned. I gave serious thought to the possibility that God had made a mistake. Like maybe He took his eyes off me for a second and then looked back and said, “Oh, hey, are you pregnant? Oops.”

Yes, I know, theologically unsound. Pretty sure God never says “oops.” So I spent that summer pondering how on earth this could really be good timing in light of all I hoped to do that fall in China. God led me to Psalm 16:5-6, “Lord, you have assigned me my portion and my cup. You have made my lot secure. The boundary lines have fallen for me in pleasant places. Surely I have a delightful inheritance.”

Those verses told me God is both sovereign and good. Therefore me being pregnant at that time was from the hands of a good God who knows what He’s doing. That was hard for me to accept at the time, but I grudgingly said, “Ok God, show me how this is good” and He said, “Challenge accepted” and proceeded to blow my mind with His awesomeness. True story.

Those verses came back to me over and over again through the years. It was in little moments, like when I stood on the street corner with my 3 month old, hailing cab after cab because each one I called was snaked by a stranger, and I repeated to myself, “This is assigned. This is assigned.” It was in big moments, like when we were suddenly asked to move to Singapore and leave all that we had come to love, “This too is assigned.”

Sometimes I can look back and see so clearly how it was God who intervened and made things so much better than I planned (hello, son). Other times I am still left wondering, but that doesn’t mean they didn’t accomplish what He wanted. It just means I can’t see it yet.

I’ve been mulling those verses again lately, realizing that I haven’t been as conscious as I’d like to be, or need to be, of God’s hand in the details, great and small, of my life. Something changes in my heart when I settle on the fact that nothing will come today without God’s permission, without His promise to use it for good, without His commitment to be in it and above it.

This is assigned.

Christ Who Gives Me . . .

Post author:Gina B
Post published:March 18, 2013
Post category:faith trials

This morning I received an email from Ethan that said, “I can do all things through Christ who gives me.” I jokingly wrote back, “Gives me what? What is it Ethan? The suspense is killing me!”

But I was encouraged. This is his budding faith in action, as he was gearing up for what we both knew was going to be a rough day, reminding us both who we need to trust. He has a quarter paper due tomorrow, and in defiance of the word “quarter”, he has chosen to instead try to do it in about a week. The last seven days could be titled, “The Butz family learns the meaning and consequences of deadlines.” This morning he still had about 4/5 actually written, but not edited, and no bibliography. Nothing like a challenge for Monday morning!

To make it more interesting, Megan went to a birthday sleepover on Saturday night with 20 other girls where they were allowed to stay up until 1:30 am. I don’t remember the last time I willingly stayed up that late. It was probably my freshman year of college, before I realized that I can’t function beyond 10 pm. We learned yesterday that Megan can’t function well herself on 6 hours of sleep. Today, we were still feeling the residual damage.

All that added up to an emotional day, the kind of day where my heart struggles to stay engaged with my kids, to enter in to their emotions fully, to just sit with them in their tears. Part of me wants to let them just cry it out, to say, “Yep. I get it. School is hard. Life is hard. I’m totally with you kiddo,” and another part of me wants to move them through it as quickly as possible back to a place where they can actually finish the work and put us all out of our misery.

At times, I think, “This is too much God. My heart can’t stretch any more. I can’t sit through another meltdown. I don’t have what I need for this.”

But throughout the day, I’ve remembered Ethan’s email. I can do all things through Christ who gives me . . . strength, yes. But really, fill in the blank. Patience. Compassion. Gentleness. A bigger heart. Whatever it is we need.

All Things for Good

Post author:Gina B
Post published:February 4, 2013
Post category:faith

I wasn’t supposed to see my grandma that Thanksgiving.

We had plans to drive to Wisconsin, but because our shipment from overseas finally arrived, my husband flew to Orlando to receive it. My parents were going to visit my grandma at the nursing home. I decided to go with them because it might be the last time I saw her.

It was.

Upon reflection, we see that decisions we make, or things that happen to us beyond our control, were the work of God.

My grandmother passed away several months later. Her funeral was scheduled for a Wednesday. Due to some family issues, they changed it to Saturday. Wednesday did not work for me because my husband arrived home that day from a trip. I found frequent flyer tickets. Erik had a couple days off of work to stay back with the kids. All those things added up to me being present for my first family funeral since 1999.

He works all things for good. I look back on my life and there are some events – our son’s birth, our move to Singapore, two years of illness, our move back to America – where, on paper, it didn’t look the way I planned it. Circumstances I did not choose, seemingly ordinary decisions, plus God’s impeccable timing – they all interwove to create something better than I imagined.

I might not have said it at the time, but afterward I can look back and see a God who is tender hearted, who cares about the details, who does indeed work all things for good.

If I can see it so clearly in these circumstances, how many other times did He work on my behalf and I just didn’t recognize it? And how many more will there yet be?

Feed on Faithfulness

Post author:Gina B
Post published:December 23, 2012
Post category:faith transition

Do not let the current state of our house fool you.

Though people who visit express astonishment at how “settled” everything looks, mine is not a settled heart. Perhaps our zeal to get the house in order quickly is partly a way to occupy our hearts. It distracts them, and makes them think they are settled too.

It’s also evidence that this isn’t our first rodeo. We know we’d rather go great guns at the beginning rather than drag out the process of unpacking and decorating.

Truth be told, my heart feels untethered. Lost. I miss knowing and being known. I remember now Ethan’s “my heart is tired of all the new things.” The new things make my heart feel like it’s climbing a mountain. The last few days I’ve let myself linger in these feelings a little more, shed some tears.

I search the scripture for some balm. What I really want is for something to make it all go away – something to satisfy my need to feel found, rooted, known. Part of me knows I am all these things in God, but feelings don’t so quickly follow reality. I hope He will give me something more.

What I find is not satisfaction but hope. Psalm 37:3 says, “dwell in the land and feed on faithfulness.” I know that for my heart to move toward satisfaction it will take courage, faith, endurance, and lots of time.

In the meanwhile, I feed on His faithfulness to me. I recall the transitions of my life and I have hope. He has proved Himself good to us again and again. He is El Roi, the God Who Sees. Jehovah Jireh, the One Who Provides. Immanuel, God With Us. I will feed on this.

“At an acceptable time, O God . . . answer me in your saving faithfulness.” Psalm 69:13

The Slow Boat From Asia

Post author:Gina B
Post published:November 20, 2012
Post category:faith

Anyone else remember this book? I didn’t read it, maybe because I never had trouble getting my locker open.

Today, my book is titled, “If God Loves Me, Why Can’t We Get Our Stuff Off the Slow Boat From Asia?”

I’m guessing that sweet 70’s era book might have a good answer for me, so now I’m kicking myself for not pulling it off the church library shelf, but I have a pretty good idea what it would say.

I think it might tell me to give thanks in the midst of circumstances so that’s what I’m going to do. I’m thankful that:
1. Our stuff did not fall in the ocean.
2. We are not like those people we met who shipped their stuff to the US and didn’t get it for a year (Oh Lord, please don’t let us become those people).
3. We have had a place to stay while our stuff has been sailing the seven seas
4. Erik has been able to do other things to get our house ready, so these two trips haven’t been wasted
5. We have things to ship. Lots of things. A lot of people don’t have anything.
6. This is a light and momentary trial, especially compared to what so many are going through.
7. It’s kept us on our knees.
8. God is still God, and He is still good.

It’s this last one that I wrestle with in times like this, and I think that’s good. It’s good because it makes me think about what goodness to us really is – not our comfort or our happiness, but something much bigger and better. It’s good because it reminds me that God is not our vending machine, our Santa Claus, our butler, who does what we ask. when we ask. It’s good because it puts me in my place, a place of being very small and insignificant, which is why the fact that He loves me still is even greater.

I think I know what to do if I can’t get my locker open.

The Familiar

Post author:Gina B
Post published:October 10, 2012
Post category:transition

People might guess that our 13 years overseas in various locations means I’m a girl who loves adventure, but this would be an erroneous thought. I like familiarity. I like routine. I like consistency. I eat the same thing every day for breakfast, almost without fail. That’s how I roll.

One of our last weeks in Asia, I was driving a new friend around town, and she said, “I can’t wait until I know this city like you do. You just seem to know how to get anywhere.” Indeed, it was very familiar to me.

So here we are in Orlando this week, our future home, and I find myself longing for that kind of knowledge. I want to sense, as I’m driving down the 417, how much further it is to our exit. I want to have a need for a certain store and know instinctively how far it is from where I am. I want to be able to drive on mental auto-pilot to other parts of town. I want to know this place.

As I was pondering this yesterday, God reminded me that I do already have something constant, something familiar, and it is Him. In every new place, He is there. He is the same here as He was in Asia. His character and His ways toward me are steady and unchanging.

This is where I need to put my focus, my faith. My city view may change, but He remains the same.

Someday I will know my way around this place.

Lest you forget

Post author:Gina B
Post published:September 11, 2012
Post category:faith

“And when the Lord your God brings you into the land that he swore to your fathers . . . with great and good cities that you did not build, and houses full of all good things that you did not fill, and cisterns that you did not dig, and vineyards and olive trees that you did not plant – and when you eat and are full, then take care lest you forget the Lord.” Deuteronomy 6:10-12

The first time these verses struck me (as Christians why are we always being “struck” by scripture? It seems so violent) was our 5th year overseas. I was in a great place. My mojo was strong – the kids were getting out of the tough toddler stage, my language skills were decent, I was able to use my gifts in fulfilling ways; in short, I loved my life. So I knew it was going to change.

I knew it, not because I think God is out to spoil my fun, but because of these verses which I had been studying at the time. I knew I was in a place where I was really comfortable. I didn’t feel like I needed God. I was in danger of forgetting Him. So God saw fit to move us, four months later, to Singapore, where . . . well, let’s say I felt my need.

But that was then. In reading this again now, I think of our current situation. This is the land o’ plenty, and I feel like I could get pretty used to it. I like showers with consistent water temperature and washing machines large enough to hold a person. I like blue skies and non-threatening traffic. I like speaking English. I like friendly Minnesotans.

So how do I not forget God here? How do I stay aware that even in the seemingly best, most comfortable, most easy places I am in desperate need for Him? I don’t have the answer to that yet; it’s what I’m pondering this morning. I just know that He is God here as much as He was there, and I need Him.

Looking with Eyes of Faith

Post author:Gina B
Post published:September 9, 2012
Post category:faith transition

Prior to moving back to America, I read the story of Moses sending the spies ahead into Canaan.

All but two of them came back with a report that, although the land was flowing with milk and honey, the people there were strong and the cities fortified and large. These latter things were unappealing to them.

But then Caleb stepped up and said, basically, “We can do this.”

Joshua seconded that with, “If the Lord delights in us, he will bring us into this land and give it to us . . . the Lord is with us.”

Looking Ahead to Our New Season

I read this story around the time when our son seemed to be struggling the most with our future life in America. He’s a realist, like me (it sounds so much better than pessimist), and he was seeing the difficulties of transitioning to new friends, new places.

So I shared that story with him. When I read it, I felt clearly that God was saying, “Who will you be like Gina?

“Will you look ahead and only see the obstacles, or will you look ahead with faith and hope because you believe that I am leading you to this place?”

We might see the same situation, but we could look with eyes of fear or eyes of faith. Which will we do? As we look through the lens of God’s delight in us, we can move ahead with confidence. He goes before us. He goes with us. We can do this.

It’s hard to go into an unknown place after one you’ve loved so well. But this morning as I sat on the deck, warm sun on my face, I was encouraged by recalling this story. I’m not saying Orlando is the promised land. But it is the place to which He is leading us. We will trust in His goodness as we anticipate life there.

Looking Ahead to Our New Season

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