Monthly Archives: September 2017

Are You an Extrovert or Introvert? Or Maybe That’s the Wrong Question

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My 2nd-grade report card tells me I was a friendly, socially active child, but it contains one criticism, "Gina needs to learn to not talk to peers during quiet times." I was, in the beginning, an extrovert. And so I believed for many years. After all, I am a verbal processor. I love talking. Public speaking is my jam. The bigger the crowd, the better. In groups, I easily jump in with stories. I've always left parties feeling energized. Or so I thought. After a while, I wondered if what I was feeling wasn't energized, but "unsettled." Mixed in with that energy, often, was insecurity. What did people think of me? Did what I share make them like me more? At times I feel compelled to join in social interaction. The FOMO is strong. God brought me through a season when I recognized the dark side of this drive to belong. The expectations and opinions of others held me captive. As I experienced deeper peace and rest in my identity in Him, I felt freer. In that freedom, I thought, "Perhaps I am actually an introvert." So I gave that introvert emotional space to exist. My soul desperately needs solitude and silence to be restored. As fun as it is to entertain others with stories, I prefer sitting in the depths with someone one on one. Small talk is loathsome to me. It was freeing to step away from that which drained me. Ah, but what to make of all my words and love of people? To claim introvert leads others to assume things about me that are not true: I don't want to engage with them, would rather be left alone, or need time to think (I probably should take more time to think, but if you need thoughts from me, they're right there). It's left me lonely when I didn't want to be. Lately, I've noticed an inclination to choose solitude when I actually need people. I use the excuse that I'm an introvert, but perhaps the real reason is I'm afraid or lazy. Easier to say I'm an introvert than drum up the courage to initiate with someone who might not have time. Admitting need is hard for me. Engaging with others is easy when I dominate conversation-harder when I have to listen well. Perhaps on this journey, I am neither and I am both. My suspicion is, the majority of us are. More than that, I see is how easy it is for us to use either one as an excuse. We use them to justify seeking the satisfaction of something our soul needs apart from God. Maybe our pull toward people sometimes isn't because they energize us, but because we are afraid of being alone. We seek affirmation that we are loved. Our souls ache for belonging. We long to feel accepted. Being with others is both a way to affirm our worth and to avoid the loneliness we dread. There are times when we choose to…

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Why I Love Being Middle Aged

This summer I celebrated my 44th birthday. I'm officially just, "40 something." I thought this was when I was supposed to have a midlife crisis, or pine for my youth, but as I reflect on it, I actually love being "middle aged." Here's why: I am more comfortable in my own skin. I'd love to say "completely comfortable" but I'm not quite there. It's been a journey. I am more able to laugh at my foolishness (and less surprised by it). I'm learning to accept my limits rather than always pushing them. My physical body may not be exactly how I'd like, but I love that it is still healthy and strong. I can wear what I want. Sure, I'd like to still stay within the boundaries of looking socially acceptable (or at least not land myself squarely in "completely out of touch"). But more and more I take a look at what passes for "this season's trends" and think, "Yeah, maybe next year." Or maybe never. I'm aiming for "classic" these days. No one's expecting me to be cool anymore, thank the Lord. Wearing what I like instead of what's expected is awesome. I have wrinkles. Now, this is a "by faith" kind of love. Sure, I wish I didn't have them, but the fact that I do is a reminder that I have lived. They are lines of experience, evidence that I have seen and done much. The sun has shined on my face in a dozen different countries. I have laughed. Hard. Those wrinkles are an accumulation of joy at the blessings I've been given. I have life long relationships. There's something about being able to say, "I've known this person for decades, and they know me (and still like me)." What a blessing! My husband and I just hit 20 years of marriage. Soon we will have been married longer than we were single. One of my closest friends I have known for over 30 years. The amount of history wrapped up in those kinds of relationships is priceless, and there's an aspect to it that only comes with a lot of time. I'm more at peace with the world. I get less worked up about most things and more passionate about what I feel really matters. There's more gray in the world that I knew, and that makes it easier to major on the majors rather than every little thing that seems out of sorts. Along the way I've realized most of my attempts to control the world are futile (though don't be surprised if you still catch me trying). What we think is huge is small in comparison to God's sovereignty. My mess doesn't bother me as much.  For so much of my life, I aimed for having it all together. Being messy felt like a one way ticket to being shunned from good society. But some time back, God started teaching me that not only can others love me in my mess, they often…

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Storm Preparation: Principles for the Spiritual Life

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  This week we, along with other Floridians, are staring down a major hurricane. Riding on the heels of Hurricane Harvey, emotions are higher. Fear is strong. Already by Tuesday, supplies were out, though the storm shouldn't hit till Sunday. As we prepare for this storm, I reflect on how our actions translate to principles for the spiritual life as well. When we see a storm coming, our first response is to gather supplies. I'm thankful I had the foresight to ask our son to pick up water on his way home Sunday because yesterday there was none to be found. People get salty when supplies are scarce. And often, in our spiritual lives, we act out of a scarcity mentality. The truth we need to ride out storms we gather in short supply. We reach for it in moments of desperation, instead of storing up for a rainy day. But friends, the truth that sustains is there for the taking. It never runs out. We must constantly feed ourselves a supply of truth so that when the storms of life hit, we have a storehouse. And we can be the ones generously sharing that truth with others. While my husband is traveling until Friday, I'm thankful for my team from work. All day Wednesday we continued an email thread checking with each other. Who's staying? How do we prepare? I confess I was reluctant at first to admit my ignorance. I'm a Minnesota girl. All our storm preparedness is, "When the sirens start, grab some snacks and head for the basement. Turn on the TV." But in admitting my need, I receive help. There is comfort in connecting with them. We know we are not alone. Others will walk with us. When we weather the storms in life, we desperately need others. That requires owning our needs, ignorance, and poverty, so that others can help us. We were made to weather storms together. Part of our preparation is checking for safe places. Our house has few interior rooms-just a small room under the stairs and decent-sized closets in the kids' rooms. (Looks like we will hunker down Harry Potter style). We need safe places. In God, we have the greatest one. He is our solid place, rock, refuge, our anchor in the storm. Too easily I wander from that home and look for solid places elsewhere; it is a pointless search. He is the best hiding place. Despite our best preparations, we know this storm might cause damage. Our backyard is wooded. Surely branches will fall and trees may be uprooted. While our house was built to withstand strong winds, it can't bear everything. How will it all hold up against the storm? In our spiritual lives, there is where I see God work so much good. Storms are when we see what we're made of. We see if we have built our lives on solid ground. There's uprooting that needs to happen so God can plant something better.…

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