alone

Not Alone Because of Christmas

I'm not a fan of being alone, at least not for long. (That might surprise some of you who see my introvert side). The loneliness I avoid runs deeper than "who can I talk to at this party?" It's the fear that ultimately, it's all up to me to take care of myself. I've talked about it before, this fear. It shows up in my efforts to rescue myself, and everyone around me. I reveal it when I try to pick up all the worries in my life and fix them without others' help. When I'm striving to look like I'm all put together, it's usually because I'm afraid that if I don't impress, you'll leave. Rather than leaning into God for help, I charge ahead, alone. Really, it's a fear that I'm not enough. Loneliness sometimes feels like an indictment, doesn't it? Like there must be a reason I'm alone. If I'd been more interesting, more worth the trouble, more something, I wouldn't be by myself. It's not.  And this is why I love Christmas. Because now, God is with us. Immanuel. The one who is the same yesterday, today, and forever, is now our constant. Christmas declares that we are not alone. We never have to be alone again. Christmas proclaims to the world that everything that might keep us from others-our failure, our mistakes, our deficiencies, our "not enough" or our "too much"-does not keep us from the love of God. In fact, before we even asked, before we even knew we needed it, God decided to remedy our loneliness. Jesus's birth mended the brokenness in our relationship with Him, and subsequently, in us. And if He went through all the trouble of coming for us in the first place, He's not going to leave us now. The fear that drives me to rescue myself and everyone around needs to simmer in the greatest rescue story ever told, when the Hero stole into enemy territory under cover of darkness to find me because He just had to be with me. When I'm tempted to pick up all those worries and fix them myself, Immanuel reminds me that He didn't just come to save us from our sin, but to save us from ourselves. He is with us in the midst of the anxieties, not with condemnation but with comfort and help. Jesus's willingness to be with me speaks to the part of me who believes I have to prove that I'm worth having around. He came before we ever did a thing. And though I forget again and again to lean into Him, He patiently waits, available. He is with us in the middle of every trial, every tear, every heartache, closer than our own hearts. The one who is with us is the giver of peace, the God of comfort, the Father who won't fail us, our greatest counsel. We are never alone, because He is with us. I've had to remind myself this over and over again lately because it's…

Continue ReadingNot Alone Because of Christmas

What I’m Learning about Loneliness

Confession: in this season of life, loneliness is a frequent companion of mine. If it were up to me, my life would be a constant episode of Friends, Cheers, or Seinfeld, living in the assurance that I belong to a tight-knit group of people whose doors are always open to me, and who are seemingly always available. Perhaps my expectations are a wee high. But we all want to be known, to belong, to be pursued, and to be loved. Loneliness feels like a stamp of disapproval. You somehow missed the invitation to the party. Whenever loneliness entered in my life in the past, I begged God to take it away. This time around, I feel Him asking me to linger in it a little longer, because loneliness teaches me something. This is what I am learning about loneliness: It is not an indictment. I keep silent about being lonely because it feels like a judgment; there must be a reason I'm lonely. Like maybe I'm really unpleasant to be around and no one's telling me (although I'm confident enough to doubt this is the case. I like me. I can't be the only one). In the void, the enemy speaks shame to the lonely, keeping us locked in silence. Sometimes loneliness just is. It's not the result of doing something wrong, or something wrong with you. It's just a plot thread in this chapter of the story. God's writing a good story for each of us. There is a difference between loneliness and being alone. Several weeks ago, my husband went on his first long trip in a while. I was achingly lonely, even though I interacted with plenty of people. Last week, he was gone again for another week, but I felt content to be by myself, breathing in the silence and enjoying more time to think. You can be alone and not lonely. And you can be surrounded by people and feel terribly lonely. It's good to recognize the difference. Lots of people are lonely. Sometimes I wonder how many of us sit in loneliness, wishing someone would reach out. Imagine all of us finding each other if only we stopped being silent about our loneliness. But again, shame wants us to believe we are the only ones. The lonely ones are probably the most unexpected. My guess is most leaders are lonely. Think of our pastors, our bosses, the famous men and women we admire from a distance. You know what that distance does? It isolates. The pressure to fit an image, the way position or status makes it hard to relate to others-they make it a challenge for many to find people who relate to them as peers. They might need companionship the most. Loneliness pulls back the veil. One of the most frightening aspects of loneliness is that it exposes what we hide in our busy activity. It shows how much we hunger for companionship, what we most deeply desire, and how easily our souls settle for lesser things. That is something to…

Continue ReadingWhat I’m Learning about Loneliness

End of content

No more pages to load