seen

To the Mother of a Special Needs Child

To the mother with a special needs daughter next to me on the plane: I don't know what brought you and your daughter from the back of plane to sit next to me on that late flight from Chicago to Orlando. I hope it wasn't that someone was displeased by your presence; your daughter did so well on that flight. I'm sure you had no idea all the thoughts and emotions that observing the two of your raised for me: I hoped that the flight wasn't too disturbing for your daughter. I know that can stir a lot of anxiety for someone who is challenged. I prayed she would feel ok and not be nervous. I prayed you would have patience and strength to do this journey. I wondered if you were taking her to Disney, and I imagined her childlike wonder and joy if you do. I thought about how this has been your life for a few decades, watching her, keeping her happy, caring for her most basic needs. I loved watching her care for her baby doll. I wondered how I could help her be at ease - if she would appreciate interaction, or if the attention of a stranger would disquiet her. But mostly, if I could have sat next to you, I would have wanted you to know simply that I saw you. I saw you patiently making sure her legs didn't drift back into the aisle where they might be bumped. I saw you point out pictures in the magazine to hold her attention. I saw you when you had to speak for her to the flight attendant, knowing that must happen day after day, you communicating for her. I saw when you recognized that she was getting agitated, and you knew she needed her baby to calm her down. I saw that you are a good mother. I know most people don't give much thought to what it means for you to love and care for her day in and day out. I'm sure I don't know the half of it, but I want you to know that there are people who see you, and want to support and help you in what you do. I hope you know that. I hope you have those people, people who can offer much more than just a prayer and a smile on a late night plane. You are seen.  Related: Promises to My Children When You Love Someone with Special Needs

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The Soul Needs to Be Seen

One comment was all it took, "And underneath, I hear the emotion." My soul was seen. It was an astute observation from a teammate, summarizing what I shared with our team about my experiences in 2014. He's a tender-hearted guy, this one, and he always manages to look underneath the surface. I teared up in response (I tear up at car commercials and national cheerleading competitions and - oh, you name it, I get verklempt). My emotions kept bubbling to the surface as we went around the room and others shared how they heard me too. Just when I thought maybe I had it together I leaked again. Being seen like that is unnerving. I felt exposed. Undone. But the tears were happy ones. They were "you see me" tears. It's a powerful thing, for a soul to be seen. Our souls are the truest parts of us. They long to be seen. We want people to know who we really are, but so often we hide behind masks and false selves that we feel are more acceptable to the world. We aren't invited to share from the deeper, truer places in ourselves. There's no space. No time. But sometimes, the soul makes itself known. If we're fortunate the person who witnesses it says, "I see who you are, and I welcome it." And our souls are blessed. I don't feel that as often as I need. In the busyness of being a mama, it's easy to miss those places where I could be seen by others. It takes intentionality of time and vulnerability - hard to find in carpool pass offs and hallway greetings and church meet and greets. This time with our team reminded me how important it is to seek out time with the dear people in our lives who see, hear, understand, know, and love us. In Genesis 16, we find one is my favorite names for God. Sarai and Abram send Hagar away. God meets her there in her sadness and pain, and blesses her. "So she called the name of the Lord who spoke to her, “You are a God of seeing,” for she said, “Truly here I have seen him who looks after me.” Therefore the well was called Beer-lahai-roi (which means "well of the Living One who sees me"). He is El Roi, the God who sees our souls. It does our souls good to be seen - by God and by others. In the absence of the times when we can be with others who see our souls, we remember there is always One who does. Be refreshed at the well of the Living One who sees us. Who sees your soul?  Related posts: The Soul Needs  The Soul Needs Space 

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