soul

Choosing Slow

If you've read my blog for any length of time, you know I like efficiency. (It's the hallmark trait of an Enneagram 3). The faster I work, the more I get done. If I get more done, I'm more likely to be seen, recognized, successful, valuable. Or so the logic goes. And so, I move quickly. I drive, as I like to say, like I'm trying to lose someone. Not super fast, but fast enough. Despite never taking a typing class, I type quickly (and with terrible form I imagine, but it gets the job done). Each week, I speed through my housework like a Tasmanian Devil. I dare you to keep up with me at the airport. Or anywhere, for that matter. I'm short, but I'm fast. Grocery shopping. Packing my bags. You name it-I guarantee I am mentally calculating how to get it done as fast as possible. It's like I'm playing a game of "whoever does more wins." Faster feels better. It feels like winning. I don't do slow. Or at least, I historically haven't. God started me on a journey in the spring of reclaiming space in my life. Turns out it's more than just doing less. It's doing less at a slower pace. Living an unhurried life. I'm learning that having less in my schedule doesn't necessarily mean my soul is taking life at a slow pace. As Mark Buchanan says in The Rest of God, we are meant to sabbath, "not just a day, but as an orientation, a way of seeing and knowing." Slow is not just about time, but it's an attitude, a way of living. So lately, I have to ask myself, "What's wrong with slow, Gina?" What do I gain by all this hurry? Maybe the better question is: What do I lose? When I make it my aim to drive as quickly as possible, my body stays in a state of tension. Slow drivers irritate me, my patience wears thin. Other people become nothing more than obstacles. My focus is on my pace, more than anything else around me, including those with me. When I type quickly, I feel myself ramping up. The, "more is better" lie whispers in my ear. A day of housework at top speed leaves me exhausted, depleting me of reserves I could have spent elsewhere. When I race through airports and stores and down the sidewalk, I miss life along the way. I miss the people around me. And all for a few extra minutes, one more task completed, another email sent. All this speed makes my soul feel left behind. There's no space, no rest. Getting more done, getting there sooner, doesn't guarantee more life, more love, more anything. I'm left impatient, exhausted, and irritated. For the sake of my soul, I'm choosing slow. So I'm choosing to drive slower than I could. When someone in front of me is taking their time, I often change my speed to match theirs. There's a long stretch out to…

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The Soul Needs Comfy Pants

  I'm sitting in front of a fire at a ski resort in Vermont, wearing a giant scarf, an oversized sweater, two pairs of socks, and my favorite Lucky Brand jeans. They're my go to pants, the ones I'd wear every day if it were socially acceptable. It's these or my yoga pants that I look to for days when I just want to be comfortable. We all need comfy pants - the ones we slip on when we just want to relax, let it all hang out, be ourselves. Our souls need comfy pants. Last week I spent time working with a group of five other coaches, all of us involved in a week-long intensive leadership coaching program. It was emotional work, rewarding but draining. The best part of it for me was being with people who know the real me and welcome it. In short, my soul was comfortable. Sometimes it's people like that, or like our new small group with three other couples. There, we all show up with our doubts and questions and struggles and we wrestle together about issues of faith, and everyone's ok with whatever is brought. Or it's the friends who sit down with me and look me in the eye and ask, "How are you?" and really mean it, and my soul breathes a deep sigh. Or it's the long walk in the woods with my dog, or the book of quotes I have that remind me who I truly am, or the new playlist on my phone filled with songs that restore me. These are places where my soul finds comfort. In a world that so often raises the bar too high, then judges us for failing it, we need comfy pants for our souls. We need to be able to relax, breathe, let down our barriers, settle into who we really are and be received. We need a place to curl up by a fire away from the bitter cold. We need comfort. Where does your soul find comfort? Related: The Soul Needs Gentleness The Soul Needs Space

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The Soul Needs Space

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I knew a girl in high school with a fish tank shaped like a giant bubble gum machine. It had the added feature of bubbles which rose from the bottom. She was not in the habit of cleaning the tank, so over time, the water grew murkier and murkier. As it did, her fish started to do an amazing trick - it could do flips! This entertained her until the water became so dark she couldn't see him, so she unplugged the tank in order to clean it. When she did, the fish floated to the surface. He hadn't been doing tricks - his dead body had been hitting air bubbles. Sometimes my soul feels like that fish. In my quest to keep my soul well, I am aware of the days when it has no space. I surround my soul in activity and noise. I do too much. When I finally take a moment to rest, I gravitate toward a screen - Facebook, TV, something to occupy me. Sometimes I do the screens while I'm doing other things (multi-tasking at its best! worst!). For a time, it's ok. I can keep swimming. But if I live too often like that, the constant movement drowns my soul. Our souls need space. Space in the form of silence, solitude, rest. An expanse in which to breathe and stretch and feel. I know why I avoid it. Sometimes I don't want to hear what my soul is saying. It feels empty. I find dissatisfaction, loneliness, confusion, or grief. But the soul needs to be seen. How can I show my soul to others if I can't even see it myself? The water is just too murky. I have some habits I am trying to hold to in my soul keeping endeavor. Less television. Shutting down the computer. Quiet walks with no phone, no music, just me and the pup. Sitting when I could be doing. It's hard to not move toward the distractions, to just sit in the space, but I'm finding it's good. Wide-open space. It's what my soul needs. Does your soul have space? 

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The Soul Needs to Be Seen

One comment was all it took, "And underneath, I hear the emotion." My soul was seen. It was an astute observation from a teammate, summarizing what I shared with our team about my experiences in 2014. He's a tender-hearted guy, this one, and he always manages to look underneath the surface. I teared up in response (I tear up at car commercials and national cheerleading competitions and - oh, you name it, I get verklempt). My emotions kept bubbling to the surface as we went around the room and others shared how they heard me too. Just when I thought maybe I had it together I leaked again. Being seen like that is unnerving. I felt exposed. Undone. But the tears were happy ones. They were "you see me" tears. It's a powerful thing, for a soul to be seen. Our souls are the truest parts of us. They long to be seen. We want people to know who we really are, but so often we hide behind masks and false selves that we feel are more acceptable to the world. We aren't invited to share from the deeper, truer places in ourselves. There's no space. No time. But sometimes, the soul makes itself known. If we're fortunate the person who witnesses it says, "I see who you are, and I welcome it." And our souls are blessed. I don't feel that as often as I need. In the busyness of being a mama, it's easy to miss those places where I could be seen by others. It takes intentionality of time and vulnerability - hard to find in carpool pass offs and hallway greetings and church meet and greets. This time with our team reminded me how important it is to seek out time with the dear people in our lives who see, hear, understand, know, and love us. In Genesis 16, we find one is my favorite names for God. Sarai and Abram send Hagar away. God meets her there in her sadness and pain, and blesses her. "So she called the name of the Lord who spoke to her, “You are a God of seeing,” for she said, “Truly here I have seen him who looks after me.” Therefore the well was called Beer-lahai-roi (which means "well of the Living One who sees me"). He is El Roi, the God who sees our souls. It does our souls good to be seen - by God and by others. In the absence of the times when we can be with others who see our souls, we remember there is always One who does. Be refreshed at the well of the Living One who sees us. Who sees your soul?  Related posts: The Soul Needs  The Soul Needs Space 

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Word of the Year 2015

The other day, a friend of mine asked me how I did with my word of the year for 2014. Uh . . . ok so it started out well. I chose the word Abide, and I did think about it quite a bit for the first few months. After that, when it came to mind, it was usually in the form of imagining a hobbit house. Seriously. Because abide means to dwell and I feel like dwelling happens best in a little hobbit hole. I don't know why. Part of my downfall, if we can call it that (and I think we should) is that I did not have any practical ways to pursue my word, aside from painting a cool visual of it to put in my office closet. I don't how much it helped but it looked awesome. This year, I debated declaring anything at all. I thought about a few words, but what came to mind was a phrase. It might not be a surprise to you, if you read this previous post about my mint plant. No, my phrase is not mint plant, but "Keep your soul well." Keep Your Soul Well I haven't been able to stop thinking about this phrase since reading John Ortberg's book Soul Keeping. I can put so much energy into what is happening outside and around me, and neglect my soul. Our souls are needy. They need nurturing. They need feeding. And also truth, love, guidance, restoration, redemption. These needs take intentionality. So I have a few practices, habits, that I hope will keep this phrase fresh in my mind and active in my life. I'll probably post about them in days to come. Hopefully in weeks to come, as I plan to carry this one further into the year than last time. Of course, the first order of business is to create a cool visual. What about you? What's your word? Related posts: Word of the Year 2014: Abide Word of the Year 2013: Content

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