Monthly Archives: August 2017

What We Don’t Have to Carry

I woke up one morning recently, and in that space between sleeping and waking I had a clear picture in my head of a room. Scattered around the room were objects that represented aspects of my life that were causing me to worry. It was right in the middle of a crazy week. Our kids had started school and I was trying to get back into my role at work, bringing a thousand minute decisions and needful things screaming for my attention. The night before, as I reviewed my day, I had been aware of how those worries had occupied my thoughts and energy during the day. It occurred to me how much I had been holding onto them, rather than stopping to pray and release them to God. I determined that the next day would be one of peace. Surrender would be my course of action. But as I woke up that morning and pictured that room, my eyes found those worries lying around me. I immediately felt a heaviness in my soul as I saw myself reaching to pick them up again, throw them over my shoulders, and trudge on. But as I leaned to take hold of one of these burdens, I heard God say, "That is not yours to carry."  There was in that instant a momentary sense of relief, and a reminder of my determination to stay in a place of peace this day. But in the next second, another worry popped up, whispering over my shoulder that surely I needed to carry it. As I turned in my mind to pick it up, again I heard His voice, "That is not yours to carry." And then I breathed a sigh of surrender. Sitting down that morning to pray, I thought of all those worries I was tempted to bear. I thought about this invitation from God to release my grip on them. They are good and important things that do require attention and care, but they are beyond my control. It's best I admit that. That's a good place to start. So I wrote them all out one by one, writing a prayer of release for each detail. And then, I asked God to make me carefree. I like that word-"care free." To be free from care. Not that I stop caring what happens in our lives, but I stop being the carrier. I stop believing that without me at work, they will be forgotten and lost. I believe that the God who is stronger, wiser, bigger, and more powerful carries them for me. That morning, a friend of mine posted 1 Peter 5:7, "Cast all your anxieties on Him because He cares for you." I took a few minutes to read that verse in other translations, and I had to laugh when I opened The Message. It reads, "Live carefree before God; He is most careful with you."  Full of care for us. Fully able to carry all those burdens that threaten to weigh…

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The Secret to 20 Years of Marriage

20 years ago, I walked excitedly down a church aisle to my grinning man. Standing on the wooden steps, light streaming in from the high windows, we said our first yeses to one another as husband and wife. Marriage starts with a yes. We enter in bravely saying, "Yes, I will journey this life with you," most of us barely knowing what that will really mean. That first yes is easy. But what is the secret to staying married for the long haul? Marriage is a million yeses. We say yes to doing the dishes, getting up with the kid in the middle of the night, mowing the lawn, and a thousand other tasks we would probably rather not do. We choose to step toward reconciliation when we've disagreed, to forgive, to admit wrong. Decisions are made to deny our own desires, our ways, our plans, and allow someone else's wants and needs to trump our own. We overlook the offense, accept the quirks, smile instead of frown at the annoying habit, knowing that the thing that bothers us will probably happen again tomorrow. Wrinkles, receding hairlines, stretch marks, and pot bellies we accept into the story. Walking together through the valleys and the challenges, going places we would rather not go, is a choice we make. We commit to being in their court even if no one else is. Naked vulnerability, physically and emotionally, becomes part of how we live. We sign on daily to bear witness to someone else's ordinary and extraordinary moments. We say yes to all of this and more. Sometimes a yes is easy. It feels like the most natural thing in the world. We say it gladly, as though it was what we were made for. But other days, a yes is sacrificial, so hard we feel like we deserve a medal for it (note: my husband should have oodles of medals for saying yes to me. He's on track for sainthood). Some days a yes asks too much humility, too much vulnerability, when our hearts are already raw. It's tempting, in those times, to let our yeses become nos. The more we do that, the more our hearts close. Some days we determine that our spouses don't deserve a yes, and we're right. So often they don't (and neither do we). But this is where we're called back to the economy of the Kingdom, which says we have been overwhelmed with what we don't deserve, and we are called to model our lives and marriages after our Savior. God says yes to us again and again, moving toward us despite our response or worthiness. Each time we choose to move toward each other, we create a greater space for the other to rest in, a place of acceptance, grace, love, and commitment, of belonging, permanence, and rootedness. The yeses deepen our dependence on each other, claiming ground in each others' hearts. Each yes to our spouse is a reflection of the relentless, pursuing love…

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Surviving Your Child’s Senior Year

It's finally here: our son is a senior in high school. This thought instills in me an equal mix of terror and grief. We have to help our son navigate all the craziness of this year to do the very thing we don't want him to do, which is to leave us. Cue tears. I want to do this well, though. Hopefully, we look back and say we navigated this year with grace, wisdom, and hope. We feel like we made the most of it. I've been pondering what that might look like, and I've decided on four words as our mantra: Celebrate Let's begin with a hearty celebration for getting to this place. He's come a long way from the boy who put an unpopped kernel of corn in his own ear because his sister wisely wouldn't let him put it in hers. He has learned to navigate life in three countries, discovered life passions, learned to drive, held down a job, made deep and lasting friendships, and embraced his own walk with Jesus. This is all worth celebrating. But God's goodness to him has only begun, and it is sure. The word "celebrate" leads us to a mindset of gratitude and expectancy. When we are tempted to be overwhelmed and we need prayer, begin by thanking God for what He is doing. And after we plant ourselves in God's goodness, we need to: Breathe It is easy to look at the business of AP classes and college applications and financial aid, and run for the hills. But getting through this year will be the kind of journey that is "one day at a time," and probably "each moment at a time." So when it all feels like too much, take a deep breath and be in the moment, both to experience it fully, but also to remember that it's all going to be ok. This breathing has already begun in our house, in earnest. I've grabbed my son by the shoulders and done it with him. Lots of deep breathing happening around here. We breathe in God's strength, wisdom, and guidance in every second. Then breathe out the fears and uncertainty, letting His presence with us be our rock of refuge and rest. Next, we: Trust Easier said than done, but what a great opportunity this year will be to grow in our trust that God is greater than anything we face. The older our kids get, the greater the challenges. We could let that cause us to up the control ante, or we could release the reins altogether. Trust that even though we have to release them more and more, His grip on them is greater than ours, and never loosens. Isaiah 26:3 says that the perfect peace we seek for this year is found as we depend completely on the One we trust. And as our school administrator shared with us during orientation, "You feel like you've been dropped in the deep end of the ocean. But…

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When Your Birthday (or any day) Sucks

Birthdays are supposed to be great. They're supposed to be the days when all your wishes come true. But sometimes, well sometimes they just suck. Our family took a once in a lifetime kind of vacation this summer. On one of the last days, my husband was scrolling through his Facebook feed and said, "Oh hey-it's my birthday." This was news to both of us. Not the most auspicious beginning. The morning was decent-a long walk around the insanely cool, old neighborhood where we were staying, some quiet reading time. Then we set off for London. It kind of went downhill from there. We couldn't find anywhere to eat. We had to keep stopping for the bathroom. Since my husband was the only one registered for the rental car, he had to do all the driving and for crying out loud that country's not made for driving high speeds. Or two lanes at the same time. Plus, left side. And stick shift. I think we all lost years off our lives navigating those roads. Thank God for a diesel engine because where are the gas stations? Four plus hours of this. But we had something to look forward to-seeing the new Spiderman movie at a cool old theater (can we just assume everything I'm talking about is cool and old? This includes my husband, wink). And then . . . We couldn't find parking, because no one actually drives in London. Or rather, they drive but seemingly never park. We finally found a space, begged a parking permit off a local, and made our way to the theater where we discovered we had shown up for a 6:30 showing that was actually at 7:30. Dejected, we headed back to our hostel, which was seemingly 4 miles away yet took us 30 minutes to drive. So, dinner. Dinner at-say it with me-a cool, old pub. But we got a late start and most everything in the little town center near us was closed. We found a place called the Snooty Fox which sounded oh so promising. Ah, but no children under 18. They directed us to a restaurant 10 minutes away. It closed at 9. It was 8:50. Ready to throw in the towel, we found a mini mart where two of us grabbed snacks to eat. In the end, the others got burgers and fries from a sketchy looking pizza joint. And thus ended the lame birthday. Yep, sometimes your birthday sucks. Sometimes you have the highest expectations for the perfect day and it's anything but. It rains on your wedding day. It's 100 degrees at Disney World. You drive 2 hours to take beautiful beach pictures and it's actually super windy and cold (this may or may not be a true story). And you'd think we would be ok with that, but there's something bred into us, woven into the great American dream that "life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness" means things SHOULD go our way. It's our…

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