parenting

A Year of Disney

A Year of Disney

Yesterday, our Disney annual passes ran out. No more Disney for us.

The first time we went, last September, I took the kids to Magic Kingdom, just the three of us. I was the “best mom ever” for taking them. It looked like we were going to have a year long vacation full of happy, loving, family times.

But did you know that kids can get to a point where they don’t want to go to Disney anymore? It’s true. They can come to the place where the suggestion, “Let’s go tomorrow” is met with, “Again?!?” Yep. Possible.

But then the last two weeks, as we squeaked in a few more days, and did the “we haven’t done . . .” moments, suddenly we heard, “We should have gone on that ride . . . We should have done . . .” I tried to remind them of the times we had to drag them. They didn’t really remember. It almost made us want to renew our passes. Almost.

We learned a few things. Always use fast passes. Tomorrowland’s really empty right away in the morning. Bring your own food. Mission: Space, the Tower of Terror, and the Mad Hatter’s Tea Party are not for those with weak stomachs. Sit in the back on Big Thunder Mountain Railroad. And most importantly, by late afternoon, the Magic Kingdom is no longer the happiest place on earth, judging by any family who has brought a child under 5.

But happy, loving, family times? They happened. We laughed. We schemed how to make the most of our time. We park hopped. We rode rides, got off and got right back on again. We got caught in the rain and thought it was awesome. And last night as Megan skipped down the fastpass lane at Soarin’ with her beautiful red hair flying I thought, “I would do this all again.”

I’m so thankful for our year of Disney.

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Parenting Is Worth It

It’s all worth it.

That’s the feeling I have while closing down this day. I spent the evening with a group of wives and moms who are about to go overseas to work. We talked about what it’s like to be moms in another culture, the ups and downs, the challenges, the joys.

I walked in the house after the kids should have been asleep (no fault of my husband’s – they’re getting older and summer hours are different). I found one waiting just to lay some of his emotions at my feet, needing to hear a good word to calm his anxious heart. I found the other so excited I thought something spectacular must have happened in my absence. Turns out she just thinks my return is worth that kind of reaction.

What a gift.

Those are the kind of moments that make it all worth it, no matter where you raise your kids. We talked a lot tonight about how hard being a mom can be, and that is so true. But to get to be that person for your kids – the one who calms fears and brings joy and makes the world right enough to sleep . . .

It’s all worth it.

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Fueled by Passion

“Just one more time, mommy.”

When our daughter was seven, she caught the soccer bug. She determined that she was going to be a professional soccer player when she grew up. I asked her what she was going to do when she was done playing professionally.

“I’m going to keep playing soccer.”
“But how will you make money?”
“People will pay to watch me play.”
“Even when you’re an old lady?”
“Yep.”

If she’s going to achieve that, she’ll need to be great, and she’s trying her best to be just that. Every day she looks up drills online, particularly goal keeping drills as right now she has it in mind that she wants to be a goalie. She comes to me and tells me, “Today, I need you to do this . . . ” and proceeds to show me my part in developing her skills.

She wants to keep going long after I am done being excited about my part. It’s always, “Just one more time, mommy.” One more shot on goal. One more throw. One more kick.

I am amazed at this determination in her. She gets tired, sweaty, dirty, sore, but she keeps going because she knows what it is she’s working toward. She will be that old lady that people will pay to watch play soccer. Or maybe she’d settle for the US Women’s Olympic team. Maybe.

What is this determination but a clear vision of what she wants, a passion for what she loves, and the discipline to keep moving toward it? So I ask myself, “What is my vision? Am I keeping it in front of me? Am I fueling my passions? Am I stepping toward it day by day, doing the hard work it takes to get there?”

What are you determined to do today?

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Playing Together

Our kids are in that stage between toys and whatever comes next to fill their free time – jobs? Friends? I don’t know. All I know is that Candyland doesn’t entertain them anymore (and I think we’re all a little thankful for that).

It’s hard to know how to occupy our free time well with them when it seems most activities one of us suggests have a 2 or 3 out of 4 approval rate. I have dreams of us being a family that always love spending time together doing wildly creative things, but finding things that all of us consistently want to do feels like trying to find four leaf clovers or the holy grail.

Sometimes, though, it happens. Megan’s been wanting to play a certain game on the trampoline with the whole family for over a week now. She usually suggests doing it immediately after dinner, which causes the adults in the family to preemptively vomit a little just thinking about it. Tonight we gave ourselves a little time to digest and then hopped up there for the game Megan calls “dead man.” It’s basically Marco Polo on the trampoline.

Unfortunately, our son decided he wasn’t into it, so our magical foursome activity looked doomed. A few minutes later, he concluded he was bored enough to join us, and we proceeded to play. In the middle of jumping and laughing and screaming and catching each other, I thought, “This is a victory moment.” It was a sweet time, and I’m thankful for it.

What are you calling victory today?

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Third Culture Kids

We just returned from watching the movie Gravity and I am convinced of two things:

1) Astronaut has always been low in my career ranking, but after seeing that it’s just not even in the running anymore, and . . .

2) My victory today is our kids.

See, I was reflecting, on the drive home, about the re-entry astronauts have to endure when coming back to earth, which got me thinking about the whole re-entry into American culture, and I thought, “Wow. Our kids are pretty amazing.”

It’s not easy as an adult to mentally and emotionally adjust back to the States after 13 years away, but for our kids it’s literally a foreign country that they’re trying to learn to call home. And they’re kids also going through all the normal stuff kids have to figure out. Yet they’re pressing on every day, making friends, learning how to do school, embracing what comes. I’m crazy proud of them and how they’ve endured. That’s no small victory.

What are you calling victory today?

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Making Memories

Living overseas for over a decade means we’ve missed out on many things, particularly autumn activities, because in all that time we never came back during the fall. Now, we had a great community of expat friends which means that we certainly tried to replicate holidays and traditions we’d had in America, but it was never quite the same.

Now that we’re back, we’re trying to figure out which activities we want to do, and how to do them. One of those is jack o’ lanterns. Pumpkins weren’t very big overseas (or if they were, they were expensive) and when you live in an apartment with people who don’t celebrate Halloween, putting a creepily carved lit pumpkin outside your door is sure to disturb the neighbors.

The kids were thrilled the other day to see huge pumpkins at the store for $4 each (I don’t know if this is cheap. It seemed ridiculously cheap to us). Yesterday, despite being tired from a weekend away, I decided it would be a great time to do this with the kids.

I knew, as every parent knows, that I would probably end up doing the majority of the work. Surprisingly, the kids wanted to clean out the insides of their pumpkins themselves, for the most part. Megan named hers Robert Patrick McKinn, nickname Bobrick McKinn, which is decidedly awesome. We decided to write our family name in Mandarin on them, so that was definitely my job with the knife. We were told later that they won’t last long, which is disappointing, but honestly – we’d happily do it again. We’re making up for lost time!

So that’s my victory for Sunday – making memories with the kids. And not only memories, but ones that build into their connection back to the U.S. I’m almost hoping we’ll have to do more (although I’m guessing they won’t be as keen the second time around).

What are you calling victory today?

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A Great Day

Can I just declare that today was nutty? Not bad nutty. Just non-stop nutty.

The kids had a homeschool day today (I’m sure many of you are thoroughly confused by our kids’ schooling. Do they go to school? Are they homeschooled? Yes is the answer). Wednesdays are usually long because they had no extra time like the weekend when they could do some of their work. They were both cracking the books by 8 am. I generally don’t sit down on days like today until they’re done. I’m helping one or the other, or trying to catch up on housework or emails or other random ideas that pop into my head. I confess I can be fairly distracted. At one point Megan was literally sitting next to me on the floor and she sent me an email that said, “Can you get my history book?” Apparently she had asked me verbally and I had not responded.

I didn’t realize until halfway through the day that the kids had started working on projects that are actually not due until next week. Their teachers had told them to work on these projects today, but being the good closure lovers that they are, they decided to complete the projects. This sounds fantastic in theory, but in practice it meant that by 4 pm Megan hadn’t started math or written the next paragraph in her essay. They’re normally done by about 3 pm.

On top of that, they were both running into snags – questions they couldn’t answer (and quite frankly, neither could I), ideas that needed my feedback, internet help – and no amount of me saying, “Maybe you could just put this away since you don’t actually need to do it for tomorrow” would deter them. You could call it awesome perseverance. I might call it tiring.

While we wrapped those up, Ethan decided he wanted to cook enchiladas for dinner. Brilliant! He even told me, “Just give me the recipe. I don’t want any help.” So off he went, until I realized we had no tortillas for these proposed enchiladas. I decided there was time to “run” to the store – remember, we essentially live at the cabin, so think “going into town.”

On the way, Ethan called and asked a question, and in the process I remembered that our chicken stock was expired, and there wasn’t enough sour cream. Good thing I caught that! I was in and out in 5 minutes and back home in 15 more. That’s when I realized I hadn’t bought any tortillas. We made three enchiladas using thin whole wheat flax seed flat bread slices.

After a TV dinner break – curse my DVR for not recognizing that President Obama broke into the broadcast of the So You Think You Can Dance finale thereby causing me to miss the dramatic conclusion! – we cleaned the kitchen (which at this point, with Erik gone, felt like a major victory), I biked with the dog down the street and back, made lunches for tomorrow, and herded the cats to bed.

But in the midst of all that, Ethan said, “Wow – I’m beginning to understand how hard you work” and “you’re such a great mom” and “thanks for all your help today” and Megan closed the night with, “I love you SOOO much!”

It was a great day.

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Practically Perfect

“It was practically perfect!” he sobbed.

The “it” to which Ethan was referring was life in Asia. Yes, life in the country where pollution levels make LA look clean, where people stared and laughed and spoke at him in a language he could barely understand, where we lived in concrete high rises and fought to stay alive on the lawless roads, where we were thousands of miles from family, was practically perfect. That place, in his mind, was about as good as it gets.

In many ways, it truly was. Those last few years we had about 60 school age kids, mostly homeschooled, living within about a 2 mile radius of each other. They played together or had activities together nearly every day. Many of them were kids he’d known most of his life. China might not have been the most beautiful, convenient, easy place, but it was his place. It was his home.

The grief comes at unexpected moments, like a few nights ago, when he cried himself to sleep remembering this practically perfect place. It’s not that he doesn’t enjoy life here; he does, but it is a harder season. We all have them. As I look back on our life in Asia, I can mark the seasons like a roller coaster of ups and downs, “loving life” chapters, and “God please help us” years.

I told Ethan that this is part of his story. It’s a tougher part – maybe a part he wouldn’t have written. A story can’t be all perfect; it has to have conflict, struggle, even tragedy, for it to be a really good story. And God’s writing a really story for him. For us.

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Week One of Transition

It’s been a week. I haven’t even been sure what to write. The kids started school, which I hope will be the last major hurdle of “adjusting to life back in the U.S.” I’m not saying there will be no more hurdles, just hopefully none so high as this one that threatens to pull some muscles.

Pull it has. Monday was our first at home day, and since we were jumping in to the middle of things, we didn’t have quite as much as the other kids. We wrestled with feelings of anxiety throughout the day. I was trying to keep a positive outlook, but when we put the kids’ books into their fresh new backpacks right before bedtime and they didn’t all fit, all the wind got knocked out of my sails. Unfortunately, the kids were sailing in my boat, so we all sank a little bit.

By the morning, after a quick online order to L.L. Bean for larger backpacks, we were back on track. We were ready 1/2 hour early, God be praised! I am expected to help in each of their classrooms 2-3 times per semester and the only open day for Megan’s class was Tuesday. No, I don’t sit by the side of the pool and acclamate. I jump in!

It turned out to be just what Megan needed to calm her nerves. I sat in the corner and graded papers while her teachers amazed me. I saw Ethan at lunch and he was happily sitting with his best friend and some other 7th graders. All seemed well.

And then Wednesday happened, when they had to face the reality of what days at home entail, except we got to throw in things like “daddy’s gone” and “we’re still in major transition” to make it more interesting. Lets just say there were a lot of tears and a mom who needed a bath and a stiff drink by the end of the day. Not pretty people, not pretty.

Today was another school day, and they loved it. I dropped them off, ran some errands, came home and thought, “Wow. Now what?” then proceeded to do a little work and a little fun (hello OPI Samoan Sand on my finger and toenails). The kids came home and decided they love school and hate the work they have to do at home. I hope that evens out a little as time goes on.

Stretching emotional muscles. So often this week I just had to sit and cry with the kids and say, “Yeah, I get it. This is really hard. I think it’s going to get easier. Let’s remember that we’re in process here ok?” But there were plenty of times I wanted to say, “I can’t do this any more. I have my own mess. I don’t know that I have anything to give you in yours.”

Even as I type that I am reminded that His compassions are new every morning. That’s what I need to remind us each day – that He sees us in our process, He cares for our hearts, He will carry us through.

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