personal Archives - Gina Brenna Butz

Changing the Liturgy of Our Lives

Post author:Gina B
Post published:September 17, 2020
Post category:personal

It finally hit me, around the end of May, that the amount of time I was spending on social media and the news was destructive to my soul.

To be fair, there was a lot to know about it. But as I said in my previous post, maybe it’s not all for me to know. Or at least, not all for me to carry. And carry it I was.

But consuming those sources was habitual. I checked my notifications each morning. Over breakfast, I read the news. Hopped onto Facebook a couple of times each day to see what was new. Pulled up Twitter to catch what was trending.

Until I didn’t. Until I decided that I could, and should, change the liturgy of my life.

Liturgy seems like an antiquated thing. I think of gregorian chants and mindless rote recitations. But liturgy, I’ve learned, simply means the habits we embrace, the order of how we live.

I grew up in a church with a pretty clear liturgy. I didn’t realize how much I missed it until recently, as I’m in a program of spiritual formation that meets for quarterly retreats. During the retreats, we practice praying the hours-in the morning, before lunch, before dinner, and before bedtime.

The question isn’t, “Do I have a liturgy?” but “What kind of person is my liturgy shaping me to be?”

It’s important that we examine from time to time the habits, the order of our days, and ask, “Is this shaping my soul the way I desire? The way God desires?”

We are often unconscious of the liturgy of our days.

What Is the Liturgy of Our Days?

Throughout my walk with God, I’ve taken up the popular habits of Bible reading, prayer, fellowship. I see the value of these to incline my soul toward God and others. What’s more challenging for me, and I imagine most of us, is seeing the value of the ordinary, “non-spiritual” (seemingly) habits I have.

I never thought much about how what I read or listen to shapes me as much as my study of scripture. If I had enough of the latter, I thought, it wouldn’t matter.

It’s easy to separate our lives into the spiritual and the secular, but I’m learning that all of life is an opportunity to pray, to experience the presence of God. I start my day with devotional time, but what about the rest of my day?

If we desire to be attentive to the presence of God, do we order our days in such a way that we make space to hear from Him? Or are we filling our minds with noise, internet arguments, the anxiety of the world? Not only do we rob God of space He could have in our lives, we rob ourselves of peace.

Seeking a more peaceful liturgy to our lives seems critical right now. We cannot control the chaos of the world, but we can choose how much we allow it to infiltrate our souls.

So I deleted Facebook and Twitter off my phone. I check them occasionally just so I’m not completely ignorant of what happens in the world. I usually read a book or work on a puzzle over breakfast instead of reading the news (does doing puzzles make anyone else feel really old?).

It felt strange, at first. I feared missing out. And it’s true, I’m not the first to know something anymore. But I am redeeming a space that feels freeing. It’s like I shut the door on a world of noise and am learning to enjoy the silence.

Admittedly, there’s a temptation to fill the space I’ve reclaimed with alternative noise. I’m not yet at the point where I simply eat my breakfast in silence; hopefully, I’ll get there. But shifting even this small thing makes me conscious of all that I am taking in, and it forces me to question all the habits of my life. Do they make space for God or not?

Why I Don’t Have a Word of the Year for 2019

Post author:Gina B
Post published:January 31, 2019
Post category:growth personal word of the year

2013 was the first year I chose one word for my resolutions. It seemed simpler-one focus rather than a dozen soon to be abandoned goals. It went pretty well.

I chose one word subsequent years as well. Over time, though, I realized something. During those years, God brought other lessons into my life, unrelated to those words. And it’s hardly my place to say, “Um, excuse me? I’m focused on this ONE THING right now. Come back later.”

Those lessons weren’t short ones, either. Or necessarily new ones. In fact, the same lessons keep coming up over and over. To the point where I get discouraged and say, “God, didn’t we cover this material already? Did I fail the first time? How many times are we going over this?”

Turns out we go over it until we learn it.

What I’m Doing Instead of One Word

So this year I decided: no need to search for a new word. I just need to keep visiting the old ones. Who knows, maybe they’re my lessons for life? I keep learning till I die? Here’s hoping I’m not quite that slow a learner.

And in the interest of authenticity and encouragement and general self-disclosure, I’m going to share those lessons with you. They’ll probably be familiar to you (they could also be titled, “The Themes of Gina’s Blog in the Past Five Years”). I hope they might spur your own Life Lesson List.

Slow Down

Whenever I think I’ve slowed my life down, God points out a way that it could be even slower. Pretty soon I might be going backward. But He reminds me that He does not value efficiency and productivity the way I do; they are not His goal for me. While they have their place, I want to be someone who journeys well with people, and with my own soul. It is hard to do that when I’m running.

I want to move at a pace that allows me to hear from the Spirit, to pay attention to the needs around me, to have space to meet them. Hopefully, I will become someone whose spirit invites others to rest and life. I never want my soul to have to catch up to my body. So I will keep seeking a healthy pace.
Love in the Little Things

One of the biggest things I hope happens when I slow down is the space and awareness to see how I can love others better. This phrase, “love in the little things” has swirled in my mind for months. It’s recognizing the small ways I could love the people God puts in my life.

It’s often the ways that, if I never did them, they won’t notice. Like sending a card or a text letting someone know I’m thinking of them. Making a meal. Stopping by to say hi. A gift. Honestly, an extra minute of conversation when my temptation is to stay on task. Aside from loving God, loving others is our highest task. So I hope to love in the little things.
Be Poor in Spirit

When I say this one, people often wonder out loud if it’s a good thing. Well, Jesus said it was, so I’m sticking with it, especially since I can’t say it’s true of me yet. I expect much of myself and others, without realizing it. I spend a lot of energy trying to impress, and my expectation of others often includes them impressing me.

But I’m done being underwhelmed by life. To be poor in spirit is to be humble and in awe of all that God gives. It precludes entitlement. It assumes nothing, expects nothing, and is then therefore grateful for everything. Being poor in spirit is the way of the kingdom, so I will press on to live well in it.
Ask Audaciously

The past few years life has brought us bigger issues that have prompted greater prayers. I can’t say He’s answered all of them the way I hoped. But I can say that it has turned me toward Him. It’s strengthened my faith. It’s made me bolder.

And yet I am aware that I have only just begun to ask for what God might give me. After all, He said He provides more than we can ask or imagine, right? I want to continue to grow not only in the frequency of my requests, but the confidence with which I ask, the hope with which I wait, and the trust I have in any answer. I want Him to say, when I see Him face to face, “Oh child, I’m so glad you asked.”
Stay at Home with God

I read this quote recently, “God is at home. It is we who have gone out for a walk” (Meister Eckhart). Yes, I am prone to wander. But in the seasons when I have made it my aim to remember this truth, “I am at home with God and I do not need to search for life elsewhere,” I have lived with the freedom and authenticity I long for. It creates a solid place inside me from which life and love can flow. In fact, I should probably list it first. It is first. God’s greatest desire for us is that we live at home in His love.

Staying in that truth is a battle, but it is the battle worth fighting. If we don’t believe that His love is enough, we can never slow down-we will continue to seek our value in achievement. We cannot give others a love we do not possess. We can’t be poor in spirit either-we’ll still be looking for proof of our importance. Children ask audaciously when they know they are deeply loved. Staying at home in His love is the key to all of this.

So these are the words/phrases/lessons God keeps bringing around. I hope to grow in them this year. And the next. And probably the next.

I am grateful that He does not give up on us, and the ways He wants us to change. The fact that these stay in my mind are evidence that God is faithful.

What about you? Do you have a word for the year? A new way God is leading you? What do you hope to see happen this year?

Speak Your Dream Out Loud

Post author:Gina B
Post published:January 3, 2019
Post category:expectations hope personal perspective

Accountability is a beast, isn’t it? I once trained for a 10K, but I didn’t tell anyone except my husband. The morning of, I thought, “No one knows I signed up. If I don’t go (and my body was telling me that was a good idea) no one would know.”

But I went. And I ran a pretty good time.

When you speak your dreams and goals out loud, then it all matters, doesn’t it? And that’s exactly why we should do it.

When I Learned to Speak My Dream

For the last six years, a dream stirred in me. I wanted to write a book. The first couple of years, I wrote by myself in Panera and the public library and Starbucks. Once, a stranger asked me what I was doing. I told him, “I’m a writer.” He was incredibly impressed, and I felt like a complete fraud.

I don’t remember when I first told someone, “I’m writing a book.” I do remember that as the years passed, and the book still wasn’t finished, and then it wasn’t published, I grew sheepish. Ashamed that I had told anyone I was attempting this. Because accountability.

I should have kept my mouth shut, right? But no. I’m glad I didn’t. Because when we put our dreams out there, they become a little more real. And others rally around us. Or not. But that’s irrelevant. Because we are meant to speak our dreams out loud.

Why We Should Speak

Because this is what I know: when something good stirs in us, it’s from God. It’s not just a pipe dream-it’s the whisper of a calling. It might be more than just an idea; it might be the very thing you’re called to do.

And when we say it out loud, we honor what He puts in us. It makes us a little braver, or at the very least, slightly less willing to set it aside. And maybe that in itself is bravery.

Speaking our dreams awakens hope. It opens our hearts. It makes us stand a little taller, try a little harder, look a little further.

Maybe the dream won’t come true. Maybe God will transform it into something else. Something better, even. His ways are even higher than ours, so why not start with speaking the dreams He’s given us? It’s the only way to move toward seeing the bigger things He has in store.

Hope is scary. But so is letting it die. People keep asking me what I’m looking forward to in 2019. When I say, “My book getting published” it feels like a surreal, delightful dream come true.

I’m so glad I never gave up. And I’m so glad for those who heard my dream and wouldn’t let me forget it.

It wouldn’t have happened if I hadn’t spoken it out loud and invited others to encourage my dream.

My Challenge to You

So dream big this year, friends. Speak your dreams out loud. Anything from, “I’m going to run a marathon,” to, “I’m going to love better,” to, “I’m going to reach my neighborhood.”

What goals do you have as you begin this new year? What dream is stirring in you? Will you be brave to say it out loud?

Ask God to awaken something in you. Speak it out. Then see what happens.

Finding Home – Guest Post at The Mudroom

Post author:Gina B
Post published:July 7, 2017
Post category:home personal transition

Finding Home — Photo by Scott Webb on Unsplash

In October of this year, our family will celebrate the fact that this home is the place where we have lived the longest together. The bar is low: our record is only four years and ten months in one location.

My husband and I started our life together in a tiny basement apartment near downtown Minneapolis. We then spent thirteen years in Asia: six homes in two countries. When we moved back to the U.S., we lived another three months with family before settling here. The idea of having a permanent, long term place is foreign to us.

But in place of permanence, my view of home has expanded.

I’m happy to be guest posting again at The Mudroom today! Hop on over there to read how I experience home now.

Why I Love the Enneagram (And You Should Too)

Post author:Gina B
Post published:June 1, 2017
Post category:growth personal

About 8 years ago, when I was coaching a leadership program for our ministry, the other coaches began pulling out these “Enneagram” books. Having a love/hate relationship with personality tests, I was intrigued. I skimmed one of the books, saw myself in half of the 9 numbers, and came to the quick conclusion that the Enneagram is a crock.

But those other coaches were wise people, so I persisted. I narrowed myself down to 1, 3, or 4. My friend, Iris, who is an Enneagram 3, suggested that I was also a 3. Secretly, I wanted to be anything other than a 3.

So I decided I was a 1. I texted Iris this news, and she texted back, “if you say so.” She was unconvinced.

A few weeks, and several conversations with close friends later, I came to the conclusion that I am, in fact, an Enneagram 3.

This was devastating to me. I called Iris, in tears, “Iris, I’m a 3!”

She said, “Oh honey, I know . . . when I realized I was a 3, I was up all night. And in the morning, I thought, ‘if I’m a 3, it’s cause God made me a 3, and that’s a good thing!'”

“Ok,” I choked.

Since that conversation, I have not only embraced my 3ness, but the Enneagram itself.

So why do I love the Enneagram?

The Enneagram doesn’t just tell us what we do; it tells us why we do it.

If we want to grow or change at all, we have to know the motivation behind our behavior. (this is also a reason why it can be challenging to figure out which type we are-it gets below the surface).
The Enneagram doesn’t just tell us where we are; it tells us where we could be.

This isn’t a static assessment. Each of the 9 numbers has levels of maturity, so although you’ll never be a different number, you have a vision for growth within your type.
The Enneagram is nuanced.

While there are 9 types on the Enneagram, there are subtypes, wings, integration and disintegration, on top of the levels of maturity, that all reveal our uniqueness. So you and I might both be 3s, but we can still be our own people. It captures our complexity.
The Enneagram helps us see our depravity.

Yes, I know that doesn’t sound like much fun, but it’s necessary. Because if we can’t see how we’re trying to save ourselves and bring it to God, then we miss redemption. You know why I didn’t want to be a 3? Because I recognized the depravity of a 3, and I didn’t want to own it (guess what-every number has depravity. We can’t escape it).
The Enneagram shows us how to love the people around us.

It’s revolutionized our marriage by helping us both see the deeper motivations behind our behavior. Recognizing our kids’ numbers helps me understand what drives them and how to speak into it. Knowing my friends and co-workers on this level helps me see life from their perspective and speak their language.
The Enneagram can lead us back to God.

Each number has a root fear that drives it. The more we let God speak to our root fear, the more rested and free we are to live our true selves. When I see myself acting out very typical 3 behaviors, it gives pause to say, “What am I trying to get from others that I should be looking to God for instead?” It opens our eyes to our self-saving strategies.

They say our Enneagram type is the lens through which we see the world. Our lens will never change, but the more we understand our own lenses, the more we will recognize how we are trying to do life on our own, and how God is calling us to live more freely and expansively. And, we can develop compassion and grace for others who see the world through a different lens.

So that’s why I love the Enneagram. If you’re interested in learning more about it, I encourage you to check out The Road Back to You, by Cron and Stabile, or The Wisdom of the Enneagram, by Riso and Hudson. Or check out The Enneagram Institute.

Or just talk to me. Give me a little time, and I’ll have you loving the Enneagram too.

When You Love Someone With Special Needs

Post author:Gina B
Post published:September 28, 2015
Post category:parenting personal relationships

One of the things that brings me the greatest joy is to hear my children talking to my sister. When they talk with her, they sweetly ask questions and patiently listen to her stories. They treat her with compassion. They make her feel loved. It’s like a balm to my soul.

Why? Because my sister is mentally challenged.

What it’s like to love someone who is challenged

Growing up with an older sister who is mentally challenged, I had an acute radar for how other people responded to her. I vetted every friend who came over, watching to see if they would treat her normally. I eyed strangers in public, ready to give them the stink eye if they so much as smirked at her. (You don’t want to be on the receiving end of my stink eye).

While my parents encouraged her as much as possible to live an independent life, she will always need others’ help and support. She is a perpetual child in an adult body; trusting, simple, open. She needs others to stand with her, to listen to her, to guide her, to do for her what she cannot do for herself.

As adults, I’m not as worried about her as I was as a child, but I still want to shelter her. During the 2012 election, we needed to vote early, so I picked her up on Halloween. She exited her house wearing a pink princess costume with a silver crown.

I paused for a minute and then thought, “Ok, let’s go with it.”

Of course we got stares and questioning looks at the voting booths. Part of me felt the need to justify why a 42-year-old woman was wearing a princess costume. Another part of me wanted everyone to act like it was the most normal thing in the world.

Actually, I wanted more than that. I wanted people to feel the way I felt about her – that they would think that it was awesome that she was wearing exactly what made her happy on a holiday.

How I want people to see her

I wanted them to see her as the gift she is; a precious, God-given gift.

My sister loves purely and wholeheartedly. She delights in little things, in being part of everything. Trust and acceptance come easily to her. She gives me opportunities to grow in being compassionate, patient, gentle, loving, protective of the weak, accepting of the different.

And that’s why it’s such a blessing when others step in and love her alongside me. It says, “I see that she is precious too. I will stand with you in loving her.” It says we are not alone, that others will be the protectors, the helpers, the givers. They will recognize the value in her.

So if you know someone who is challenged in some way, know that taking the time to love them isn’t just a gift to them. It’s a gift to those who love them as well. Thank you.

What Parents Really Need to Hear

Why I Need a Dog

Post author:Gina B
Post published:February 26, 2014
Post category:growth personal

Sometimes I imagine a conversation between the Father and Jesus that went like this:

Father: I think we should give Gina a dog.
Jesus: I don’t think she would like that. I think she would find it disruptive.
Father: Exactly.
Jesus: Oh, this is going to be fun.

Oh yes, she’s been disruptive. She’s required countless hours of training, walking, feeding. She has woken me at 4 am many times to throw up whatever it was she indiscriminately ate on the street the day before. Always 4 am.

We have shelled out crazy dollars to fly her around the world and attempt to diagnose various mysterious illnesses she seems to have. We have lived out the cliche of “everyone in the family wants a dog, but mom ends up taking care of her.”

And at the end of the day, I need it.

I need a dog to remind me that I am not as important as I think I am, and neither are the tasks from which she takes me.

I need a dog to slow me down, make me take walks around the neighborhood, go outside early in the morning and breathe.

I need a dog to show me how to love people well – to always greet them at the door like they’re the best thing that’s happened today, to stay close to them wherever they go, to depend on them for what you need.

I need a dog who burps in my face, and sticks her tongue out at me, and runs around like a Tasmanian devil, to make me laugh when I least expect it.

Disruptive? Yes. Fun? Absolutely. Just what I need? Yep.

Dogs, Deer, and What Drives My Heart

Post author:Gina B
Post published:November 15, 2013
Post category:growth personal

Living where we do, we see a lot of deer. I mean a lot. Like to the point where it’s almost blasé to see them. They’re more common than squirrels.

Enter Scout. It’s always been our dream that our dog could run freely in the yard without an unsightly fence to keep her in. We installed an invisible fence and trained her to stay within the boundaries.

The problem is, she’s a smart pup. She knows when she’s not wearing that big ugly collar. Typically she’s still content to stay in the yard, but when she sees deer, all bets are off. She’ll come back later muddy, tired, and happy.

Enter the “deervangelist,” one of our neighbors. He loves the deer seemingly more than anything. One of his three lots is devoted to their comfort and feeding. When we first arrived in the neighborhood, he came over and gave us an earful about how we need to do our part to protect the deer. He even showed us a photo album of them. In some pictures they were eating food out of his mouth. Can I get a collective “ew”?

So my stage is set. Last week, Scout bolted and found her way to the deervangelist’s empty lot where the deer had retreated for safety. Within a few minutes, I got another visit from my neighbor telling me that I need to do a better job of keeping my dog in our yard, as well as another offer to see the pictures. I declined.

The next day, she was off again. This time, while I waited for another visit, it was my neighbor to the north (the one I have only ever heard yelling) who called for me to get my #$%& dog out of his yard. Thankfully she came back on her own.

And that was when my heart sank a little into shame. Why? It took me awhile to understand it myself, but it all goes back to what drives me. If you read my last post about houses, you know that I like success. I like performing well. The dog/deer combination made it challenging for me to do that. In fact, they were (in my mind) making me look like a failure. I had been called out twice in two days as someone incompetent in restraining her pet.

The upside of this is the fact that God helped me see it. Oftentimes we sink into shame and we don’t recognize it or acknowledge it. In my experience, when that happens, it can make me more likely to interpret the rest of my day through the same lens. Instead, I was able to do a little self-talk about the whole situation that helped me let it go. I’m thankful that I’ve been growing in seeing what drives my heart and how to respond with grace.

A dog and some deer. You never know what God will use.