transition

The House Checklist

People often ask me here, “So, are you in Orlando for awhile?”

And I answer, “Yes” warily, like I’m putting all my chips on red and crossing my fingers.

The reason is that I have never been in a place I thought I might stay. It’s hard to imagine that we could be here for 10 years or more. To date, Erik and I have lived in eight places in 16 1/2 years, if you don’t count my parents house (and we should, because actually altogether we’ve probably spent more than 2 of those years living with them on trips back). You can understand why I don’t have a long term mentality about housing.

On the one hand, there’s something appealing about being grounded. I bet I would know a place well if I lived in it for 20 years. Our kids could say, “This is where I grew up,” at least partly. On the other hand, I hear people talk about other places and a part of me says, “Where do I sign up?” The thought of one place for that long sounds kind of boring.

I have a list in my head of how long we have lived in different houses, and I am mentally checking them off as we pass each mark. So far, we have lived in Orlando only longer than the foreign student dorm (three months) and Bi Shui (13 months). Next up is our Minneapolis apartment at 17 months, followed closely by Euro-Asia Park at 18 months. Already, it’s feeling like we’ve been here “awhile.”

I don’t know if we’ll be here a long time or not. I guess I’m learning to hold places loosely. We’ll see if Orlando earns the record of “longest stay.”

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What I’ve Learned About Orlando

After just over a year in Orlando, I’ve learned a bit about my new surroundings:

1. There are not many palm trees. I thought I was moving to a tropical location, but it’s populated by pine trees (especially our area, aptly named Isle of Pines) and deciduous trees. I could believe I’m in northern Minnesota, unless I’m at the beach or Disney, where palms do grow. Ok, technically we do have a palm tree in our backyard, but it’s not natural. I thought there’d be more palms.

2. I can need my sunglasses and my windshield wipers alternately and repeatedly within the span of a few miles, as the weather here is ever-changing.

3. There are no tornado sirens here, even though there are tornadoes, so the impetus is on you, fair citizen of Orlando, to prevent your own demise.

4. There is a lot of wildlife. I am not accustomed to this, as in China there was only the occasional bird or cockroach. Here I’ve seen armadillos, snakes, raccoons, possums, deer, vultures, sand cranes, and one gator. Only one.

5. I’ve said it before, but I was told there’d be gators. I’m so disappointed. I’ve only seen one, and when I did I freaked out like a kid on Christmas.

6. I should have kept up on my Spanish. One phrase I do remember, that I’m hoping I can pull out sometime is, “Ayude! He caido y no puedo levantarme. Y estoy teniendo dolores de pecho!” One of these days, I’m going to need that, and all those years of Spanish will pay off.

7. Orlando likes to build community sub-divisions, like the Truman Show. I expect everyone to pull out of their garages at the same time and drive to work.

8. There are beautiful sunsets here. They’re so common that my standards for what constitutes a worthwhile sunset have risen quite high.

9. I still need a winter wardrobe, but for the indoors, just like in Singapore. People typically set the thermostat at 70 degrees. To me, 90 and above is shorts weather. 80 to 90 is cropped pants weather. below 80 is call for pants. Below 70 requires layers. Hence, winter wardrobe.

All in all, I like it. It’s fun to get to know a new place, to add it to our collection of places we know and love. Come on down and visit – we can sit under the pines, watch the sunset, and look for gators.

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You There Yet? Thoughts on Transition

My due date with our first child was February 19th, 2000. Once that day passed, I had the vague feeling I had missed my chance and was therefore doomed to be pregnant forever. One of our teammates called from a trip in Thailand and asked me, “You have that baby yet?” I informed him that it was good thing he was in another country or I would have slapped him. Silly single guy. Never ask a pregnant woman that.

People sometimes ask me if we feel like we are through transitioning. If we’re “settled.” No worries – I don’t feel like slapping them when they ask, but I do feel like I wish there were a clearer due date, a definite answer. Sometimes it has felt like we’ll be in transition forever.

If transition is a mountain that we are trying to climb, then to be “through” transition should mean we’ll reach the top and start heading down the other side, right? And I would know if we’d done that. We haven’t.

The problem with mountains, though, is that there is no clear top. There’s no due date, no timeline. Instead, the top of a mountain is often flat, wide open spaces, with occasional ups and downs. You’re so close, but you’re still climbing.

That’s where I feel like we are, and may be for a while (thank God pregnancy’s not like that). It isn’t the arduous climb that it was, but all that took a lot out of us so all in all I’m a little tired of climbing. For the most part, we’re used to life here. Still, there are moments when I realize I operate from different values, different ways of doing things, different expectations. I still have moments when I ache for what we left behind. I’m not ready to fully embrace some aspects of life here.

But maybe the goal isn’t to be “done.” It’s to let all that we go through in life draw us closer to Him. It’s to enjoy whatever view we currently have, and I have to say, it’s a pretty good one these days. Transition is a big mountain, but it’s not the only mountain we’ve ever climbed or will climb. We just have to keep on going, trusting along the way. The journey goes on.

Related:

You Got That Kid Americanized Yet?

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Transition Pass

So the last couple months have felt like the steep transition learning curve has leveled off. It’s like when you’re mountain climbing (or maybe hill climbing – can’t say I’ve climbed that many mountains. Ok none. I’ve climbed none) and you get to that point where you can see the top. It starts to feel easier.

And then you turn a corner and there’s a sudden incline you didn’t anticipate. In my world, that’s called December.

I realized this morning that it’s been hard to admit this, for several reasons. First of all, it’s just tiring. I don’t like to keep feeling like I don’t have life figured out here. I don’t want to face the fact that I don’t have rhythms, routines, traditions, surrounding this time of year. I have empty spaces with no Christmas decorations because I lived for 13 years in places where they were hard to find. I feel like I should make Christmas desserts and give them to people, but after years of $5 bags of chocolate chips, I’m out of the habit. Are people expecting them? Who do we give Christmas cards to? Do I have to go to ALL these Christmas parties? The questions are endless.

Not only that, I can feel like there’s an expectation that we should be “over it.” People have said frequently, “So you’ve been here over a year now? You must be pretty settled.” Well, no, but now I FEEL like I should be. It’s easy to feel like I just need to get with the program and figure this season out. When I talk with friends who have been through this transition back to the States, they are quick to remind me that it’s not true – this creating a new normal takes time. I know that to be true. It’s just hard to be in the in between.

So I took some time Tuesday morning just to think about where we are and really what is important for us as a family. There are just some things that aren’t going to happen. Those 3 strands of Christmas lights I managed to buy (and then I realized I needed more like 8 to cover the house) will stay by the back door. They’re one of the things that we’ve decided get a “transition pass.” In my climbing analogy, this looks like me choosing not to try to summit that incline for now – I’m just going to circle around a little bit and try to enjoy the view from here.

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A Year of Thanks

This Friday will mark one year of us being in Florida. One year since that caravan of 2 mini-vans, 9 people, three dogs and a trailer made their way cross-country to this far corner of Orlando. It’s been a good year. So good in fact that I thought I would take this opportunity to give thanks for the many blessings we’ve had, so here goes:

my Friday group – ladies, thank you for being one of the first places here where I could be myself and feel truly loved

our kids’ school – honestly, I can’t imagine a better situation

MK2MK – this is the group where Ethan has found those kids who say, “You too? I thought it was just me” and it has breathed life into him

Old friends – some of our favorite people already lived here in Orlando and I don’t know what I would have done without them (Katie and Jenny – I’m looking at you!)

Our neighborhood – who knew we could find a place here that makes us feel like we continually live at a cabin in northern Minnesota?

soccer – Megan’s passion finally realized, and along with it fun new relationships for all of us

family connections – I am still not completely used to the idea that I can simply pick up the phone and call family members without considering the time zone, but when I do remember I love that it’s true. Even better, visits are much easier too!

libraries – seriously, is there anything greater for a book lover than libraries that deliver to your home?

the work we do – it is humbling to be used by God to do what we love in a way that blesses others

sunsets and sunrises – I gotta say I think Orlando has the corner on these. Un. Real.

our continued Asian connections – people we work with who also lived there, friends visiting from across the ocean, our kids taking up Chinese again

the struggles – the times of disappointment, frustration, anxiety, and grief have brought us together as a family and pushed us closer to the One who loves us

God – I always want to be able to say, year after year, “I know Him better now. I am closer to Him. I trust Him more.” This is definitely true for me in 2013.

Yeah, it’s been a good year.

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Growing Roots

We’re coming up on one year of living in Orlando. The first time we came down last year to see the house as a family was in October, when we observed that our neighbors down the street decorated extensively for Halloween. We’ve since learned they go all out for most holidays. About a month ago, their Halloween decor went up again, bloody sheets and all. It seems like this should make us feel like we’re gaining longevity here, but I’m still stuck on the fact that they have “No trespassing: will be shot” signs on their fence. We’re not trick or treating there.

But yesterday held another reminder that we are slowly settling in here. It was grandparent’s day at our kids’ school. They had one in the spring too, and Erik’s parents happened to be here for it which was fantastic. This time the commute was a bit too long. I attended though, and while some of the moms were setting up and taking down, a couple of the new ones had questions about what to do. I realized that I knew what had happened last time, and while that made me far from an expert, I had something to offer. On top of that, the night before when the kids were making lunches, they said, “Hey, tomorrow’s grandparent’s day. We don’t have to bring as much lunch!” Yes, let’s fill up on donut holes and cheese instead. We know how to do grandparent’s day.

It’s a funny victory to claim, because it wasn’t really anything we did – it was just recognizing that we’re getting there. Life will soon have more traditions and “this is how we do” moments. Each year our confederate neighbors will put up their excessive holiday decor and will remind us that this is home. It feels like roots. Little ones, but roots.

What are you calling victory today?

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Feeling at Home

It was just over 13 months ago that I wrote this post about the nebulous feeling of home. I did not know then how long it would take for this house to feel like home.

I remember the first time our place overseas felt like home. We had been in the States for a summer, and when we returned overseas, we walked in the door and both felt like we had come home. I think that was after the first three years.

So it was with great joy, and a sense of victory over the process of transition, that I walked into my house yesterday (through the front door, no less – had to get the library books that had been left near it) and I was home. Do you know that feeling? It’s that moment when your heart just relaxes because this is the place. Home.

What are you calling victory today?

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Third Culture Kids

We just returned from watching the movie Gravity and I am convinced of two things:

1) Astronaut has always been low in my career ranking, but after seeing that it’s just not even in the running anymore, and . . .

2) My victory today is our kids.

See, I was reflecting, on the drive home, about the re-entry astronauts have to endure when coming back to earth, which got me thinking about the whole re-entry into American culture, and I thought, “Wow. Our kids are pretty amazing.”

It’s not easy as an adult to mentally and emotionally adjust back to the States after 13 years away, but for our kids it’s literally a foreign country that they’re trying to learn to call home. And they’re kids also going through all the normal stuff kids have to figure out. Yet they’re pressing on every day, making friends, learning how to do school, embracing what comes. I’m crazy proud of them and how they’ve endured. That’s no small victory.

What are you calling victory today?

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The True Self

Years ago, a friend of mine and I had a conversation about being comfortable in our own skin. It was about more than just body image; it was the idea that we could be completely settled into who we are as people. We wanted to be completely ourselves, without apology, without wondering what others thought. We agreed that we weren’t quite there yet.

I can’t say I live there all the time now either, but I have certainly grown in it. I do know that how accepting I am of myself is in direct correlation with how much time I spend listening to the Father’s heart for me, and resting in who He says I am.

My victory for Saturday is that I was me. It was a lot like how I felt when I wrote this post last spring (except for the whole day, and not just a dental appointment). This was great because I was away for the weekend with several women I was just getting to know. It could have been difficult, not knowing how I fit or how to navigate these new relationships, but the quality of these women and the content they chose for our time together made it the easiest thing to just bring all of me, uncensored, to the table.

This feels like a greater victory during transition, because transition can throw your whole identity into question. I’ve been learning through this time that I have to go back more frequently than usual to who I am in Him. I’m reminded of this quote from one of my favorite authors, Henri Nouwen,  “As long as I keep running about asking: ‘Do you love me? Do you really love me?’ I give all power to the voices of the world and put myself in bondage because the world is filled with ‘ifs’.” This temptation grows stronger in transition because the voices in the world have changed and it’s easy to forget that who we truly are hasn’t.

I’ll close with another quote from another favorite author, Brennan Manning, who said, “Define yourself radically as one beloved by God. This is the true self. Every other identity is illusion.” Every day is a victory when I remember this.

What are you calling victory today?

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Progress

I went on a school field trip today. This is the second trip I’ve attended with my daughter’s class. The first one inspired this post about feeling weird. Not one of my finer days.

Today’s victory, when looking back on that first field trip, is progress. Transition progress, that is. That first day, standing in the group of moms who were also learning about the early settlers of Florida and their fort building ways, I wanted to crawl in a hole with my weird stories about my former life. Some of the moms kindly introduced themselves to me. Some of them looked at me like maybe I was lost. I was, just not in the way they thought. I had no excess relational energy to squander on filling them in as to who I was.

I have not become an extrovert in the interim, but I can say that it was the easiest thing today to hang with the other moms. Some of them I was seeing for the second time, the first being the previous trip where we said not two words to one another. I rectified that. I even threw in a few weird China stories – hey, they’re part of the package. It was fun.

It’s encouraging to feel like my heart has simmered down enough where I can step out of my comfort zone and actually walk away energized by it. Definitely doing the victory dance today.

What are you calling victory?

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