Being over Doing

If you haven’t realized this already, I like to do. Just do, do, do. It’s not that I feel I must do things, it’s that I like to do things. A lot of things. Really more than I could do in a lifetime, let alone a day. (truthfully, there are some things I probably ought to do that I am wildly adept at avoiding).

It’s difficult, on the days when the kids are home for school, not to plan what I want to do as well. Part of what made last Wednesday so nutty was that I had a dozen things of my own going on while trying to help the kids. Brilliant move on my part.

They’re sharp, kids are. They know when we are distracted, preoccupied, only half-with them. Not only do my attempts to do other things while they need me actually make everything take longer, I’m sure it doesn’t communicate love well.

Today, I determined to set aside my to do’s and just focus on the kids. I didn’t do it perfectly by any means, but I’m learning that victory isn’t about perfection. It’s about the fact that you tried and kept trying. Side bonus: I don’t feel sucked dry at the end of the day. Ah, limits – one day I will accept them as my friends.

What are you calling victory today?

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A Great Day

Can I just declare that today was nutty? Not bad nutty. Just non-stop nutty.

The kids had a homeschool day today (I’m sure many of you are thoroughly confused by our kids’ schooling. Do they go to school? Are they homeschooled? Yes is the answer). Wednesdays are usually long because they had no extra time like the weekend when they could do some of their work. They were both cracking the books by 8 am. I generally don’t sit down on days like today until they’re done. I’m helping one or the other, or trying to catch up on housework or emails or other random ideas that pop into my head. I confess I can be fairly distracted. At one point Megan was literally sitting next to me on the floor and she sent me an email that said, “Can you get my history book?” Apparently she had asked me verbally and I had not responded.

I didn’t realize until halfway through the day that the kids had started working on projects that are actually not due until next week. Their teachers had told them to work on these projects today, but being the good closure lovers that they are, they decided to complete the projects. This sounds fantastic in theory, but in practice it meant that by 4 pm Megan hadn’t started math or written the next paragraph in her essay. They’re normally done by about 3 pm.

On top of that, they were both running into snags – questions they couldn’t answer (and quite frankly, neither could I), ideas that needed my feedback, internet help – and no amount of me saying, “Maybe you could just put this away since you don’t actually need to do it for tomorrow” would deter them. You could call it awesome perseverance. I might call it tiring.

While we wrapped those up, Ethan decided he wanted to cook enchiladas for dinner. Brilliant! He even told me, “Just give me the recipe. I don’t want any help.” So off he went, until I realized we had no tortillas for these proposed enchiladas. I decided there was time to “run” to the store – remember, we essentially live at the cabin, so think “going into town.”

On the way, Ethan called and asked a question, and in the process I remembered that our chicken stock was expired, and there wasn’t enough sour cream. Good thing I caught that! I was in and out in 5 minutes and back home in 15 more. That’s when I realized I hadn’t bought any tortillas. We made three enchiladas using thin whole wheat flax seed flat bread slices.

After a TV dinner break – curse my DVR for not recognizing that President Obama broke into the broadcast of the So You Think You Can Dance finale thereby causing me to miss the dramatic conclusion! – we cleaned the kitchen (which at this point, with Erik gone, felt like a major victory), I biked with the dog down the street and back, made lunches for tomorrow, and herded the cats to bed.

But in the midst of all that, Ethan said, “Wow – I’m beginning to understand how hard you work” and “you’re such a great mom” and “thanks for all your help today” and Megan closed the night with, “I love you SOOO much!”

It was a great day.

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Week One of Transition

It’s been a week. I haven’t even been sure what to write. The kids started school, which I hope will be the last major hurdle of “adjusting to life back in the U.S.” I’m not saying there will be no more hurdles, just hopefully none so high as this one that threatens to pull some muscles.

Pull it has. Monday was our first at home day, and since we were jumping in to the middle of things, we didn’t have quite as much as the other kids. We wrestled with feelings of anxiety throughout the day. I was trying to keep a positive outlook, but when we put the kids’ books into their fresh new backpacks right before bedtime and they didn’t all fit, all the wind got knocked out of my sails. Unfortunately, the kids were sailing in my boat, so we all sank a little bit.

By the morning, after a quick online order to L.L. Bean for larger backpacks, we were back on track. We were ready 1/2 hour early, God be praised! I am expected to help in each of their classrooms 2-3 times per semester and the only open day for Megan’s class was Tuesday. No, I don’t sit by the side of the pool and acclamate. I jump in!

It turned out to be just what Megan needed to calm her nerves. I sat in the corner and graded papers while her teachers amazed me. I saw Ethan at lunch and he was happily sitting with his best friend and some other 7th graders. All seemed well.

And then Wednesday happened, when they had to face the reality of what days at home entail, except we got to throw in things like “daddy’s gone” and “we’re still in major transition” to make it more interesting. Lets just say there were a lot of tears and a mom who needed a bath and a stiff drink by the end of the day. Not pretty people, not pretty.

Today was another school day, and they loved it. I dropped them off, ran some errands, came home and thought, “Wow. Now what?” then proceeded to do a little work and a little fun (hello OPI Samoan Sand on my finger and toenails). The kids came home and decided they love school and hate the work they have to do at home. I hope that evens out a little as time goes on.

Stretching emotional muscles. So often this week I just had to sit and cry with the kids and say, “Yeah, I get it. This is really hard. I think it’s going to get easier. Let’s remember that we’re in process here ok?” But there were plenty of times I wanted to say, “I can’t do this any more. I have my own mess. I don’t know that I have anything to give you in yours.”

Even as I type that I am reminded that His compassions are new every morning. That’s what I need to remind us each day – that He sees us in our process, He cares for our hearts, He will carry us through.

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The Homeschool View

One of the most frequent questions I have heard throughout our transition is, “Are you going to homeschool in America?” On the one hand, the thought of homeschooling in America sounds SO much easier than doing it in China, so why not? Hello libraries! Hello fast internet! Hello Amazon Prime that comes to my door in two days! Hello even more people who homeschool! Wow – that looks like I’m really excited, and also, quite friendly.

On the other hand, there are schools here. Schools that don’t ask me to decide between sending my child to 5th grade or her freshman year of college for tuition. Schools where our kids could learn things I don’t teach them, where they could have experiences they don’t get at home.

I’ve never been a hard core homeschool mom. Our decision to homeschool was more out of necessity than choice. That said, I don’t regret doing it; I see only good things that have come from it.

But as we look to Orlando, we’re considering the options. Florida itself is not known for its stellar education system (#48 out of 50?!?) but there are other choices besides public schools (and even those we haven’t ruled out). When we head down there in a few weeks, I hope to look at one of them in particular. I had previously written it off, but it’s run by someone we know and our dear friends’ kids go there, so our kids are all for it.

For now, we have three baskets full of books, binders and curriculum in the kids’ bedrooms. They mostly work at the desks in their rooms or on their beds. So far so good, but who knows how much longer we’ll have this view? 

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