The Lies of “Too Much” and “Not Enough”

The Lies of "Too Much" and "Not Enough"

There are two lies we can live by, flip sides of the same coin.

One lie tells us that we might be too much for other people. Too needy, too messy, too emotional, too demanding of the emotional space of others.

The lie tells us to live in fear of being “that person” – the one who asks more than others want to give. It says there’s a limit to how much people want of us.

The other side says maybe we’re not enough. We’re the shirt someone sees in the store that they like, but not quite enough to try it on, not quite enough to invest in it.

It says sure, they like us, but maybe they don’t really like us. Not enough to pursue us. The lie says we might not be fun enough, or interesting enough, or whatever enough of what it would take for them to come closer.

The lies keep us in a crazy battle to be less of this and more of that. They make us question ourselves, to hold back when we should be authentic, to hide parts of ourselves in order to be more acceptable, a constant, “Do you like me now? Do you like me now?” They demand we find a way to make ourselves perfectly lovable.

Both lies say the burden is on us to prove ourselves. We must earn a spot in peoples’ hearts.

They tell us there is no place to rest.

But the truth sets us free.

“As long as I keep running about asking: ‘Do you love me? Do you really love me?’ I give all power to the voices of the world and put myself in bondage because the world is filled with ‘ifs.'” (Henri Nouwen, Return of the Prodigal Son)

Yes, those lies are bondage. When they whisper to us, “prove yourself worthy,” we say back, “It’s already been done.”

The truth is, we aren’t meant to measure worth, we are simply called to live it. We are worth the space we take up in this world. We are worth pursuing.

If we weren’t, then the God of the universe would not have taken the time to put us here. He would not have come for us. He would not have died in our place. He’s declared us worthy.

Let’s live in the truth of our worth.

Related:

Being Human

Feel Your Worth

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The Soul Needs Space

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Our Souls Need Space
Photo by Elaine Casap on Unsplash

I knew a girl in high school with a fish tank shaped like a giant bubble gum machine. It had the added feature of bubbles which rose from the bottom. She was not in the habit of cleaning the tank, so over time, the water grew murkier and murkier.

As it did, her fish started to do an amazing trick – it could do flips! This entertained her until the water became so dark she couldn’t see him, so she unplugged the tank in order to clean it. When she did, the fish floated to the surface.

He hadn’t been doing tricks – his dead body had been hitting air bubbles.

Sometimes my soul feels like that fish.

In my quest to keep my soul well, I am aware of the days when it has no space. I surround my soul in activity and noise. I do too much. When I finally take a moment to rest, I gravitate toward a screen – Facebook, TV, something to occupy me. Sometimes I do the screens while I’m doing other things (multi-tasking at its best! worst!). For a time, it’s ok. I can keep swimming. But if I live too often like that, the constant movement drowns my soul.

Our souls need space.

Space in the form of silence, solitude, rest. An expanse in which to breathe and stretch and feel.

I know why I avoid it. Sometimes I don’t want to hear what my soul is saying. It feels empty. I find dissatisfaction, loneliness, confusion, or grief. But the soul needs to be seen. How can I show my soul to others if I can’t even see it myself? The water is just too murky.

I have some habits I am trying to hold to in my soul keeping endeavor. Less television. Shutting down the computer. Quiet walks with no phone, no music, just me and the pup. Sitting when I could be doing. It’s hard to not move toward the distractions, to just sit in the space, but I’m finding it’s good.

Wide-open space. It’s what my soul needs.

Does your soul have space? 

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White Space

“White space should not be considered merely ‘blank’ space — it is an important element of design which enables the objects in it to exist at all . . . A page crammed full of text or graphics with very little white space runs the risk of appearing busy, cluttered, and is typically difficult to read.”

When it comes to design, I love white space. It’s so appealing. It leaves you wanting more. What does exist in the space has more impact. So why is it that I have such a hard time leaving white space in my life?

I look at my schedule like Pac Man – any open space must be consumed! nom nom nom. White space feels like a waste of time.

But God keeps calling me to white space. To slow. To less. To be still and know, or as my Chinese translation reads, “You need to rest.

So this is my hope for the week – white space. That white space is when I remember that I am not as important as I think I am; in fact, I am much weaker and needier than I would care to admit. It is in that white space that I can receive what I need. That white space is what “enables the objects in it to exist at all.”

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Cease Striving

I’ve never been one for being quiet or still. My mom loves to tell stories of my propensity to crawl, climb, walk, at an early age, and of a 2-year-old Gina marching into Sunday School singing, “Have faith, hope and charity, that’s the way to live successfully!” One memorable report card from 2nd grade lauds my sociability with other kids, my willingness to participate in class discussions. It ends, though, with the downside, “Gina needs to learn to be quiet in class.”

No, I’m not much for quiet and still. I like to be on the move. I like to communicate. I tend to live my life at high speeds of taking in information, accomplishing all that I can, seeking opportunities to express myself.

Cease striving, and know that I am God might have been written just for me.

I need to have it phrased that way, “Cease striving.” It packs more of a divine reprimand for me that just “be still.” When I think of “be still” I imagine something that is already at rest and is being asked to just stay. “Cease striving” speaks more to my MO. I strive. Oh how I strive.

Don’t get me wrong. I believe it’s part of how God made me, this inclination toward activity. It’s something I like about myself, the high capacity to do the things that interest me. The danger comes when my activity and my own chatter silence the voice of God, when I use my actions and my voice to try to find life apart from God, to make things happen in my ways and in my time.

Lately, I’ve been doing that. In my desire to find my place in this new chapter of life, I want to run ahead of God. I want to make noise so that I am seen and heard, recognized and approved. I don’t want to rest in His ways or His timing, but that is exactly what He is asking me to do. He’s asking me to cease trying to make life happen according my ideas, to stop looking for life apart from Him.

There’s actually a great relief that comes in being reminded of that. I am His. He knows what He’s doing with me. I just need to cease striving and let Him be God in my life.

What about you? Are you striving today?

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