January 2014 - Gina Brenna Butz

God in me

Post author:Gina B
Post published:January 20, 2014
Post category:word of the year

I remember my then three year old son wrestling with theology when he asked, “Mom, if Jesus lives in my heart and I eat food, will it go near Jesus?”

I’ve had my own theological wrestlings this week about God in me as I try to wrap my mind around the words, “Abide in me and I in you.” It’s one thing for me to try to make God my dwelling place, but then He turns around and says He’s going to choose to dwell in me too.

So that’s my abide pondering for this week – the fact that God abides in me. The God of the universe lives in me. What? When I think about that, so much in me says, “Are you sure You want to do that?

“I mean, I know me. I know that mixed up in all the redemption You’ve done there’s still a fair amount of depravity. I’m a sinner, God. Why would you want to do that?”

But that’s the great and awesome mystery. He’s not a God who redeems from afar. He gets right up in there and transforms from the inside out. He dwells in me while still renovating me into a place more fit for a king.

I’ve been asking Him to help me grasp this more deeply. I like the way Henri Nouwen puts it in his book Return of the Prodigal Son, “I am called to enter into the inner sanctuary of my own being where God has chosen to dwell . . . it is the place where I am held safe in the embrace of an all-loving Father who calls me by name and says, ‘You are my beloved child, on whom my favor rests.'”

It makes abiding even more appealing to know He’s already met me more than halfway. It’s a place where I can rest, trust, be loved. He abides in me. Wow.

Gentle Whisper

Post author:Gina B
Post published:January 13, 2014
Post category:rest

Last week I was on the internet going a little crazy following rabbit trails on some new writing websites I found. They were giving me ideas about how to improve my writing and expand my audience, and after awhile I realized that I had gone beyond, “Hmm . . . helpful input” to, “How do I get to be as amazing as these people?” and that, my friends, is when all wise people should close the computer and walk away.

So I did. I went up into my room, sat in my corner chair, and just took a deep breath. I sat there until my heart was rested again and I could get God’s perspective on the balance between wisely making the most of the opportunities He gives me, and trusting that what I have and who I am is where He wants me to be right now.

It reminded me of Elijah, who sought God on a mountain. He waited and listened for God.

First a powerful wind came. Then, an earthquake, and finally a fire passed by.

God wasn’t in those. God was in the gentle whisper.

We have to step away from the noise from time to time to simply be in His presence, and listen to His voice telling us what’s true.

He comes most often in silence.

I wrote a poem about this, back in my angst-filled, poetry writing days (I miss the poetry writing, but not the angst). Here it is, enjoy:

My Bit of Heaven

Not in the powerful wind,
nor the earthquake, nor the fire,
He came in the gentle whisper.

I Kings 19:11-13

My soul longs for solitude,
like a desert thirsts for water
And somewhere out there,
the solitude is calling me.

In search of it I find
Black cutout trees against an orange sky.
Snow lays unbroken, pure, white
as the peace it pours over me.

A single leaf is hurried
Scattering across the white in
reckless ignorance to the stillness it is in,
Too much like me.

I breathe in the silence
and realize I’m home.
His gift to me is a bit of heaven
filling my heart, loved poured in by the Spirit.

I only find it in the gentle whisper.

Weekly Word – I Need Your Eyes

Post author:Gina B
Post published:January 6, 2014
Post category:word of the year

One of those words of wisdom I adopted as a young mom was the practice of making sure my kids were looking me in the eyes when I needed them to hear something important. I have so many memories of me saying, “I need your eyes . . . I need your eyes” while my children’s faces were inclined toward me, but their eyes were still straining to look elsewhere.

God has been telling me, “I need your eyes.” Not me sort of looking at Him while I’m holding out for something better out there somewhere, my half-attention while I peek at what’s around the corner. He wants all of my attention. He wants to be my only audience. Seek first His kingdom. In all your ways submit to Him. Fix your eyes on Jesus.

God made me a writer, and I love that. But it means I am in a constant battle to keep looking to Him rather than to the audience of the world. Facebook likes and twitter retweets and blog comments feed a desire to be known and admired. The problem is, they will never satisfy. He will.

So this is what abiding looks like this week: Giving Him my eyes. Letting the voices of the world slowly be drowned out by His voice calling me.

This is my first in hopefully a weekly reflection on my word of the year, Abide. Something like my 31 Days of Victory except hopefully much easier. At least the writing about it.

What about you? How are you living out your one word?

Choosing to Abide

Post author:Gina B
Post published:January 3, 2014
Post category:word of the year

So I’ve been trying to figure out how exactly I’m going to do Abide this year. What does it look like to dwell in God? How do I do that practically speaking? I keep imagining myself trying to abide, which feels about the same as when you try to think about something and then you can’t think of anything at all. You know that feeling?

What I do know is that what I want is to learn to settle in to a more solid place in my soul. I feel like I’ve lived there before, and much of it came from an intentional intake of truth, truth that told me who I am and who He is and where I stand with Him. Henri Nouwen talks about it in his book Inner Voice of Love,

“You have to trust the place that is solid, the place where you can say yes to God’s love even when you do not feel it. Right now you feel nothing except emptiness and the lack of strength to choose. But keep saying, ‘God loves me, and God’s love is enough.’ You have to choose the place over and over again, and return to it after every failure.”

I feel like the last year I’ve been focused outwardly, and not in a good way. Not in an other-centered way, but in a survival mode-is there life out there-kind of way. This quote reminds me that the solid place is inside, where He dwells, and I have to choose to go to that place again and again, not only after every failure but even after every success.

So here’s to choosing to abide in the solid place. What are you going to do to start focusing on your word of the year?