Embracing Suffering – Guest post at Thrive Connection

Suffering in this world—great or small and in one form or another—is inevitable. It is not something like jury duty that you just have to hope will not happen to you. You will not avoid it if you simply “play your cards right” or just “walk in the Spirit.” Nor is it some detour to get through quickly so you can get back to the real work of ministry. Suffering in the Christian life is essential. It is a tool for transforming us into the kind of people God designed us to be. Read the rest of this post at Thrive Connection.

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How to Swimsuit Shop without Shame

  Last week I took a trip to hell, also known as swimsuit shopping. Not only do you have to see what your half-naked body looks like wrapped in variously fitting and oftentimes unflattering spandex, but you get to do it in a room designed by a sadist. Who thought fluorescent lighting in dressing rooms was a good idea? But I was determined to not let it ruin me. First of all, I felt I would greatly benefit from having this girl with me: And then I thought maybe I should just BE this girl. I decided that whatever thoughts came to mind about what I was seeing in the mirror, I would focus on what I love. Then again, love can sometimes feel like a stretch. But grateful? I can definitely be grateful for what I have. Why I'm Grateful as I Swimsuit Shop Gratitude reminds me that I can stand up and shop on my own, without help. I live in a place where women are free to wear what they want. That's a privilege many live without. This body has housed my soul, been its barometer reminding me when I need to eat, sleep, breathe, for over 40 years. It tells me when we're not doing well, which is kind. I want to be kind in return. I am thankful even for my stretch marks because they mean I have been blessed to carry two babies. The shape of my body means I have never gone hungry, when so many do. How grateful I am for a husband who praises my body when I know there are women who are demeaned because of theirs. I am thankful that I have the opportunity to rest and refresh myself, giving rise to the need for this suit. Thank God I have money to buy a suit since I pulled a Gina and forgot to bring any of the three I already own (and thank God for 60% off sales). And on and on. Gratitude can surround our hearts like a shield, protecting us from that which would tear us down. As we gather the pieces of what we can celebrate, our eyes are turned off what we lack and onto how we are blessed. I survived my swimsuit shopping. Actually, I more than survived. Gratitude kept my head above the water, like a lifesaver made from grace. It keeps us afloat in the deepest waters. Related posts: Let's Be the Grace Givers Beautiful 

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What Will We Tell Our Children About These Tragedies?

Our kids return tonight from a month long mission trip during which they have been out of contact and presumably unaware of all that is happening in the world. I wish the only thing I had to explain to them is why people are looking at their phones even more than usual, to the point of running into other people and walls and such. Instead, after sending them off just after the Pulse shooting in our own city, we have to tell them that while they were gone, the nation was in uproar over the sudden deaths of two black men at the hands of police. We have to explain to them that during the protests that followed, five police officers were shot and killed. There were bombings in Baghdad and Turkey that killed over 300 people combined. And last night in France, more than 80 people were killed during a celebration. Lord, have mercy. How do we deal out this information? How do we help them understand why? Part of me wants to shelter my kids from knowing the horror that this summer has brought, but they must know. They must know because we want them to be people of compassion, people of the world, people who enter in to the sorrow of others and weep with those who weep. Will it make them fearful? I don't know. Maybe. But I know the path to peace is not to ignore reality or choose to only see the parts of it that make us comfortable, that we agree with, that directly affects us. We cannot hide from the truth, but we can choose how we respond to it.  We can choose, as a family, to be people who cling to God. We can't explain to our kids why all this is happening, but we can remind them that there is always hope because of who He is. We can cry out to Him for mercy, healing, strength, wisdom, compassion, guidance, help. We can be people who remember that this is not our home, He is. So we will tell our children about the atrocities our world has seen this past month. We will tell them, not to make them fearful, but to make them aware that this is the world we live in. We will tell them that this is when we look up, not for answers, but for help, to navigate this world as people who love it well but hold it loosely. We will cry together for the world. We will pray together for it. We will live, not in fear, but in hope, in trust, in faith. We will face the truth and respond by looking to the One who alone can save.

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10 Books for a Journey to Wholeheartedness

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On the journey to being wholehearted, we need a lot of encouragement. So much of mine has come through my literary friends. These authors have been spiritual companions and guides, and I hope they may be for you as well. Let me know if you read them, so we can geek out about them together. Abba's Child Brennan Manning grabbed my heart with The Ragamuffin Gospel, but this book was the one that cemented the importance of "defining yourself radically as one Beloved by God." This is where I was introduced to the concept of the "imposter" or "pharisee within"-the false sense we present to the world that we think is more acceptable than who we are. Manning says of the heart, "wholeness is brokenness owned and thereby healed."  To Be Told I'm a huge Dan Allender fan-this man speaks the language of the heart. In this book, he encourages us to ask the question, "Do I really believe that God not only wrote my story but that He also loves my story?" There are two versions of this - the book and the workbook. The book is a great place to start; the workbook is like the book on crack. You could spend a lifetime answering the questions in it! If you find yourself wanting to dig deeper into your story after the book, then pick and choose questions from the workbook to help you. They would make great discussion starters for relationships! Strong Women, Soft Hearts I was given this book after a tough international move; it set me on a new trajectory. She touches on so many issues of the heart-trust, vulnerability, desire, control, relationships, fear, hope. It's not a book on transition per se, but it has been one that I returned to each time my life has shifted significantly, because it reminds me that life is not found in staying in the safe, small places of my heart, but in embracing all that God gives me. Bottom line-it makes me want to be brave. Soul Keeping John Ortberg is one of my writing heroes. I have a theory that he shares the same Enneagram* type as me (I'm a huge fan of the Enneagram) which makes me like him even more. This book is a gentle punch to the gut reminder that we cannot thrive if we are not caring for ourselves at a soul level. It's a call to slow down, recognize our needs, and learn to drink deeply from the Source of life. "The unlimited neediness of the soul matches the unlimited grace of God."  Rising Strong I first encountered this book in audio form, read by Brené Brown herself; it was like walking with her every morning, which is ah-mazing. It was so good, I had to re-read it in paper form so I could take notes. My favorite quote? "grace will take you places hustling can't." It's given me words for the moments when I hustle for my worth, instead of trusting that I…

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Keeping a Sabbath Heart

5 days in to my sabbatical and I was zen, y'all. I was so relaxed and peaceful that one night I actually chose to cook. It's a magical place if Gina feels enough emotional margin to invest time in something she both dislikes and is average at. My zen-like state remained throughout the next week, and I felt like I could have tackled anything. And then I got tackled. First, it was the teenage boy realizing the ACT was going to be harder than he thought, resulting in two days of major angst (there's no angst like teen angst). Then it was the attempt to pack for every contingency of a month long trip for our kids, with the accompanying anxiety of "Oh my word, we're sending our kids to the other side of the world for a month!" Add in a few extra teenagers and a giant dog for the last days leading up to departure, and friends, my zen was GONE. I can't say I wasn't disappointed with myself (well, I could, but it would be a bald faced lie). Two weeks of connecting with God and my own heart, and all I found dissipated within a few days? Sabbaticals are a wonderful, beautiful gift, but surely there's a way to maintain the kind of peace I touched in that time beyond them, right? The fact is, we can't always take the time away from our schedules to be restored. And when we do, we want to be able to carry that spirit into our regular life. It is both a time and an attitude. So how do we keep the attitude? The next two weeks, as I settled back into my time of rest, I asked God to show me what it would take for me to keep a sabbath heart regardless of the circumstances. Here's what I walked away with: Respect your humanity I'm not very good at respecting my own limits, as I've made clear before. But to have a sabbath heart, I have to recognize my own humanity. I can add task upon task, attempting to accomplish as much as possible, and pretty soon I'm overwhelmed. I'm learning to take moments to step away and just be, even if it's for 5 minutes. The tasks will be there when I return, but the time away reminds me that I'm not a machine. I'm human, and humans are limited and needy. Owning that keeps me at a better pace. Set good boundaries It's not just ourselves pushing the pace, but often the needs and demands from the people around us. It was a strange feeling to field requests for help during my sabbatical - everything in me wanted to say "yes" to them, but the buffer of sabbatical gave me a nice pass to say "no" (and I appreciate that everyone respected that). Without the excuse of something like sabbatical, it is easy to respond to needs without considering whether we have the resources to respond well. So I'm trying to stop…

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When Fear Is a Dictator

Confession: I have been afraid to write. This is problematic, as I am obviously a blogger. I also have a mostly written book I sincerely hope to finish and have published. This fear has been growing throughout the last year. It gnaws at me when I see my computer out of the corner of my eye. It pokes at me when I see other people tweeting links to wonderful posts others have written. It shuts down my thoughts. It keeps my fingers still. It’s a fear that it won’t be enough. People won’t like what I write. It won’t draw the audience I hope it will. It will sit out there in the open like a sad, unpicked girl at a dance, while the other posts are grabbed by the hand and thrown from partner to partner. Oh how I hate this fear. I hate the grip it has on my soul. I hate the way fear turns my eyes from God and onto me. I hate that it is a little dictator, barking at me to stay silent, to give up, to step out of the arena because if I can’t be as great as I hope I could be, then I should quit. It says it just isn’t worth it. I’ve had enough of my little dictator. I recently took a sabbatical from work, a time when I thought I would write more. Instead, I found God calling me first to wrestle this fear to the ground and give it a good dose of truth. It’s time to take these thoughts captive and make them obedient to Christ. The truth is that my fear means my eyes are far too much on me. Fear makes me focus on finding my own glory, not His. Fear tells me to hustle for my worth. It demands I build a kingdom for myself, and at the same time tells me I'll never be able to do it. Fear loves to dictate the what, the how, the when, the how much, of our lives. It tells us to shut up. It demands that we stop trying. It tells us to shrink back and hang in the shadows of the brave places God calls us to live. Fear whispers to us, as we stand on the edge of faith, of all that could go wrong. It takes our eyes off God and turns them to the what if’s, and maybe’s, and you’d better not’s, and what will people think’s. It silences our voices and eventually our hearts. So this morning I am turning my eyes back to Him. I read today in Minding Your Emotions, "We handle fear by going from self-made to God-made, from self-important to God-honoring, from self-satisfied to God-soaked, from self-preoccupied to God-dazzled." There it is - I go from me to Him. I tell fear the truth that this is God's kingdom, not mine. I tell it that I don't have to make a kingdom for myself because this is the place…

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Tell Me the Truth

It's important to tell ourselves the truth, but sometimes, we need others to do it for us. During this time of sabbatical, I have been reminded how desperately reliant I am on God and His truth, and how challenging it can be for me to invite others to carry me in the journey. Years ago, during a time of burnout, God spoke to me about this very need (so you could say I'm something of a slow learner). He led me to write this poem. Consider it an invitation to do this for me (and others) when you see the need arise: Tell Me Tell me the truth about myself Tell me things that free me from the worry cage I’ve built Tell me the upside-down things that correct the world’s twisted weavings Tell me there are rocks to rest on so I can come in from the storm Tell me things that breathe new life into this valley of dry bones Tell me again to draw my sword to cut through the enemy attacks on my soul They say there are no easy answers And I know. But there is One who answers still. Tell me what He would say when I’m weak and lonely and tired. Tell me to listen to Him. Tell me because sometimes I forget. Related: What Parents Really Need to Hear

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Let’s Be the Grace Givers

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I have become known among the soccer parents as the Mom Who Febreezes Her Child. This information slipped during a tournament weekend when another mom lamented that she would have to wash her daughter’s uniform overnight. I informed her that I would do no such thing – Febreeze to the rescue! Our children know this trick so well that I don’t have to say anything. That night, sure enough, our daughter’s uniform lay neatly on her floor, soaking in a layer of Febreeze. Giving Ourselves Permission You could say this is me being lazy, but I say it’s permission to let ourselves off the hook. Life’s too short and there’s so much that’s more important than my child having a clean, fresh smelling uniform she’s only going to re-stink the next day. I didn’t use to live this way. There was a time I would have cared about how that uniform looked and smelled. If I didn’t wash it, I certainly wouldn’t have admitted to Febreezing it. But at some point, I realized there’s a great deal of freedom and joy to be found in letting go of appearances and bringing out the dirty laundry, both literally and figuratively. And I don’t know about you, but freedom and joy are so much more appealing than exhaustion and anxiety over what others think. I’m happy to give this permission to others. Not only does it give them grace, but it reminds me that I am better off living in grace too. Sure, maybe they’re secretly judging me, but that’s ok. I’m living shame-free over here. Try it – it’s great! Grace is something I need more and more in my own life, and I find great joy in being able to give that grace to others. We need grace so much, but we don’t speak it out. I want to be the kind of person who sees where I need grace, where others need grace, and gives it lavishly. Let’s be the grace givers. Start with yourself, and see how it spills over. Let’s be known as the ones who give ourselves and others permission to let go of that which is, in the end, not significant, so we can pour our energy and our hearts into what is worth our lives. Related posts: Just Show Up The Soul Needs Gentleness 

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In Case of Emergency, Remember This

It's good to have an emergency plan. Like if you are afraid you might be chased by gators. This was the thinking my friend Laura and I had while walking the Orlando Wetland Park earlier this spring. Our plan constantly evolved according to available assistance ("Ok, so here we'd climb that shelter." As though we could seriously climb a shelter) and probably would not have helped us at all, but it gave us comfort. (note: do NOT run in a zig zag pattern. That's a myth, and a pretty silly one). My husband's a planner too. This spring he's had a sign on his desk that says, "In case of emergency, read this." It's a list to remind himself why he is leading certain change, the reasons why it's good. It helps him push through when people are pushing back. It got me thinking. Emergency plans are good for more than just escaping gators. I've sensed in this sabbatical how quickly my mind can travel to fearful places. Doubts creep in. My faith wavers. I get discouraged and want to give up. I'm ready to climb the shelter (even though I probably can't climb the shelter). I'm looking for a way to run. Friends, this is not how I want to live. So I've been mentally making "in case of emergency" lists in my mind: In case you begin to worry, remember: He loves you. He is wise, He is powerful, He is good. He's got this. In case you fail, remember: this is all temporal. Your value hasn't changed. Just keep being faithful. He's got you. In case your kids go to the other side of the world on a mission trip, remember: He loves them more than you do. He is with them. He's got them. And on it goes. We need our go to truths for the times when we need to talk ourselves off the ledges, or we are tempted to run from our circumstances. We need them to combat the stories we're making up in our heads, to lift our eyes off the things of the world and back onto Him. In case of emergency, remember truth. Hold on to grace. Breathe peace. Soak in His presence.When life takes us into deeper woods, there's no need to panic. There's a way out of this wilderness, but it takes a minute to stop and orient ourselves. He knows the way out. Remember what He would say and let that be your guide.  Related: When You Just Have to Do One Day at a Time  Living a Better Story 

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I Don’t Need Rescuing (Except I Do)

There are people in the world who like to rescue others. There are others who look for someone to rescue them. And there are people like me, who think, "I don't need rescuing, thank you very much." Except I do. I very much do. I try, though. Oh, how I try. I try to hold it together. Keep up the appearance of competence. I master self-sufficiency and ignore my needs and emotions for the sake of keeping it going. Deceive myself into thinking that rescuing is for someone else. My energy goes to rescuing the ones who can't quite manage it on their own, who don't have their stuff together. I'm like a soldier on the battlefield who tries valiantly to press on despite repeated arrows, "Tis but a flesh wound." Asking for help is out of the question. But underneath this lie that I don't need rescuing is not strength. It's fear. It's a fear that if I call for help, no one's coming. The fear is grounded in those lies of too much and not enough. It says there is no one who cares enough to offer their strength, no one stronger willing to step in. I fight for myself because I fear no one will fight for me. I'm partway through a much-needed sabbatical. In the first days, as my soul slowed down, this is the fear that rose to the surface. It is the source of much of my anxiety and restlessness, my need to control my world. As I have turned it over and over, examining its root, I see it for the lie that it is. Because there is Someone coming for me. There is One whose strength is always greater, who longs to rescue, who calls me to be the child I am and rest in Him. When I feel weak, helpless, and incompetent, I can step off the battlefield and just receive; no need to press on, because He can take care of it, can take care of me. He is calling me to deeper, dependent prayer, as I recognize those moments when I am tempted to take back the weight of the world on my shoulders. He calls me to the images in scripture of our God who is our strong tower, our rock of refuge, our Savior, letting them speak grace into my tired places. I am so grateful for this fear to come to light, so that God can speak His words of life and truth to replace it. "Because she loves me," says the Lord, "I will rescue her; I will protect her, for she acknowledges my name. She will call upon me, and I will answer her. I will be with her in trouble. I will deliver her and honor her. With long life will I satisfy her and show her my salvation."  - Psalm 91:14-16 Related: Get Quiet Enough to Listen The Battle Belongs to Him 

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