Speaking with my friend and spiritual director, Judy, I mentioned that I sometimes downplay my competency in front of others. My fear is that if people see me living at my full and generally high capacity, they’ll think I’m, well, a little “extra.”
“Gina, your competency is a gift. Your 3ness is a gift.”
For those of you wondering why she called me a number, she was referring to the fact that I identify as an Enneagram type 3, otherwise known as The Performer or The Achiever.
(Side note: If you want to be my instant friend, talk to me about the Enneagram. Unless, of course, you start with something like, “I think the Enneagram is a crock!” in which case I will probably always side-eye you).
In my desire to be self-aware (in which the Enneagram has been incredibly helpful) I have been more conscious of the negative side of being wired the way I am than the positive. I recognize my inclination toward image management, competitiveness, and workaholism. I’ve become conscious of when I’m “turning it on” to impress others.
Whenever we engage in a journey of self-awareness and begin to see the darker side of our strengths, it can be discouraging. It’s sobering to see how we fail to love and live well. It often leads to contempt and disappointment with ourselves.
But what Judy said to me jolted me back to the reality that we are much more than our depravity. We also carry dignity. God has given us strengths that bring Him glory when we use them.
We are meant to live that to the fullest.
Owning Our Dignity
So there’s a capacity in me, in my competency, that is a gift from God. On my own, I may use that capacity to cultivate a successful image for my own glory. But when I allow Him to fill me and use me, that capacity can accomplish a lot for His kingdom. Holding back on that is holding back on what He made me for.
The same goes for each of us. There’s something in each of us that is God-given and good. When refined by His Spirit, it is a gift to the world.
You don’t need to know your number on the Enneagram to know that you are created in His image. And you don’t need to identify some type to recognize the gifts He has given you. On your own, yes, you might use them for your own purposes. But how might He take them and use them for good?
As kids, we sang, “This little light of mine, I’m going to let it shine.” Part of that light is the imago dei we bear. It’s His Spirit living in us as He promised. Our gifts and strengths shine a light, pointing the way to God.
So let’s own our dignity as well as our depravity. The latter leads us to repentance and redemption. The former glorifies God.
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