Complaining vs Honesty
I read once of a missionary woman who determined not to complain about anything in her situation, even the weather.
A good principle it seems, but as a young missionary overseas, I wondered about it. If I didn’t speak of the the challenges of that life, what did I do about them?
What should I do with the days when suddenly the water in our building was shut off, the moments when I couldn’t make myself understood, when I ached for family and comfort?
Was I just meant to swallow all that? If I did, would it just go away? Or maybe my recourse was just to look on the bright side. Maybe enough positive thoughts submerge the hard aspects of life.
I don’t disagree that complaining that keeps us focused on our lack is a practice to avoid. But I’ve seen (and experienced) the ways a commitment to not complaining becomes a subtle way of shaming and minimizing the impact of suffering on our souls.
I began to wonder if there was a place for honesty in the life of a missionary. Is there a way for us to name that which weighs on us without it leading to discouragement and negativity?
The Difference between Complaining and Honesty
You may think honesty is simply a cleaned-up way to say complaining, but I disagree. Because I see honesty in scripture, particularly the Psalms. David brings his honest heart before God again and again.
In fact, in some verses, David straight up calls it complaint: “Hear me, O God, as I voice my complaint” (Psalm 64:1) and, “I pour out before him my complaint; before him I tell my trouble” (Psalm 142:2). He names that which wars against his soul. He names the cost of it.
But he does it as one with hope and trust. He doesn’t take it to his neighbor-he takes it to God first. He speaks his truth to the One who He believes will hear and answer. This, to me, is the opposite of complaint.
Complaint keeps our eyes on ourselves and our circumstances. It speaks from a place of entitlement, so easy for us to slip into when we are doing “God’s work.” As though God owes us a good life since we’re “sacrificing” for Him.
Complaint leaves us longing and believing that we’ve been shorted. It’s a path toward disillusionment and bitterness.
But honesty turns our eyes back to God. It reminds us that even in the hardest situation, God is there and what He has given us cannot be shaken.
Our honest complaint to Him says, “This is hard, but I’m not going to pretend it isn’t because You are here. I won’t try to muscle through this in my own strength. I know You see how difficult this is and You have compassion. Please help me, heal me, give me the strength I lack to keep doing what You’ve called me to do in the middle of this mess.”
Complaint shuts God out. Honesty invites Him in. Click To Tweet
