God Archives - Page 2 of 4 - Gina Brenna Butz

Reflections on a Christmas Morning

Post author:Gina B
Post published:December 25, 2014
Post category:Christmas faith

Reflections on a Christmas Morning

It’s the wee hours of Christmas morning. The only other person awake is my mom, stuffing our enormous stockings to capacity, leaving the rest as a stack underneath. In our family, we DO stockings!

Once again, I find myself struggling to wrap my heart and mind around the reality of Christmas. I don’t want to walk away from another season with nothing more than warm feelings and a pile of loot. I want the truth of it to sink deep in my soul and change me.

So I ask myself today, “what does Christmas mean for me?”

This is my answer:

Christmas means I have life.

Not just eternal life but abundant life here, now, life with meaning and purpose.

It means having a Savior, a rescuer, not just for eternity but for all those moments when I flounder on my own.

I have a shepherd, a comforter, one who is compassionate on me in my weakness and need.

I am no longer alone.

There is one who sees me, knows me, wants me, holds me fast.

He was willing to be limited, weak, helpless, affected, vulnerable, poor, tired, misunderstood, hated and killed for love of me.

When it says in Isaiah that He will “open eyes that are blind, to free captives from prison, and to release from the dungeon those who sit in darkness” – I was the blind, the captive, sitting in darkness. You were you.

Christmas means light, freedom, a way out. All of this on his initiative, moving toward us out of love. When I look at this Jesus, I see the face of God. He is personal and good.

He is zealous for me. For you. For us.

The weary world rejoices.

Faith Like a Child

Post author:Gina B
Post published:October 23, 2014
Post category:dependence on God faith

Faith Like a Child

I’ll never forget asking our friend’s four-year-old son to make a wish before blowing out the candles on his birthday cake. Without hesitating, he took a deep breath and said, “I wish I could fly!”

Kids. They ask audaciously. They’re aware of their wants and needs and not afraid to express them. They’re helpless and weak and innocent and foolish and humble.

And to enter the kingdom we’re supposed to be like them.

Being the Adults

I’m an “oldest child” if there ever was one, though ironically, I’m not the oldest. Having an older sister who is mentally challenged thrust me into the role early and hard. It was part of God’s story for me.

But being that oldest, responsible, self-sufficient, trustworthy kid meant I took on a mentality of being the one no one had to worry about. I took care of myself. I was good at it. And I took the same attitude with God. I decided I’d be the one He didn’t have to worry about. I thought I was doing Him a favor. I wasn’t.

Being Like Children

We’re meant to relate to God as children. Helpless, weak, foolish, humble, needy children. Those are not the qualities I most like to exhibit in my life. In fact, they are the ones I am most inclined to avoid. Can I get an amen? Is it only me? Is this thing on?

Lately, God’s been calling me back to this place as a beloved child. He’s reminding me that it’s not only ok to own those places of weakness and mess and need, it’s necessary. It’s when I’m weak that He is strong. It’s in my needs that I find His sufficiency. It’s in my mess that I find the unconditional love I seek.

And from that position of humility, He calls us to ask. Be audacious. Be bold. Tell Him you want a pony. You want to fly. When I’m in that place where I know I don’t have it together, I am incompetent for the task at hand, I am reminded that it doesn’t matter because my Abba is more than enough. He delights to give good gifts to His children. Make a wish.

Me, age 4.

Seeing God in Legos

Post author:Gina B
Post published:September 26, 2014
Post category:faith

Seeing God in Legos

My title is not meant to imply that I have seen the face of God in a Lego creation, a la the Virgin Mary in a piece of toast (especially not the creepy little guy above, courtesy of Ethan); rather, that in watching a young child play with Legos, I saw a bigger picture of Him.

We start our conference days with worship. This morning, the worship leader’s young son was sitting at our table. He availed himself of the large Lego blocks on the table (they’re great – yesterday I made an iphone holder out of them for myself). Over and over he attempted to build a structure using all the blocks, arranging and rearranging them. At this point, I wouldn’t peg this kid as a future structural engineer – a little top heavy, kiddo – but every time the blocks collapsed he laughed. When it was completed, it became a car he drove around the table. Sometimes it carried the candy on the table. Mostly the candy went in his mouth though (who can blame him?).

I was amused. He was fun to watch. It occurred to me that I wasn’t the only one enjoying him. God was having a great time watching him too. In fact, I thought, if I can find such joy in watching this little guy, how much more does God? He created our capacity to enjoy, and no one can enjoy like He can.

Do we think of Him that way? So often our view of God is too serious, like He would frown disapprovingly and shush a child playing during worship. The reality is He loves kids. He loves their creativity, their lightheartedness, their pure joy. He made it. He participates in it.

I think God laughs and enjoys His creation more than anyone. How could we enjoy something more than He does? The word says that He inhabits the praise of His people; He inhabits our joy as well.

I want to hear His laughter in ours. I want to see His smile in others’ faces. I want to be conscious of Him enjoying life with me.

Our inclination toward joy is from Him. I saw it today through some Legos.

Just Enough Light for the Road I’m On

Post author:Gina B
Post published:September 16, 2014
Post category:faith truth

One of the downsides of living this far south is that the sun doesn’t come up early, and I’m an early morning girl. It puts a damper on any outdoor exercise in the am, mostly because we live in the boondocks where there are no streetlights. People live out here specifically because they want to get away from all that pesky civilization with its fancy electricity that might light my way.

This morning, I decided to brave the darkness with Scout in tow so I could prayer walk around the neighborhood (is that three birds with one stone, since I also walked the dog? Multi-tasking at its best!).

As I walked, it seemed like there were just enough front porch lights, or kitchen lights of early risers, on to light our way. And during the stretches where there was no light, a car or two drove out of the neighborhood and helped us see.

Just enough light. Not the brightness I would like to feel completely confident, but enough to show me what was next.

I so want to see far ahead. I want to know what the next year, two years, 10 years will look like. But God gives me only enough light for the next step, and not always when I want it, but when I truly need it. Hopefully it keeps me walking slowly, looking to Him for what is next, trusting that what I have seen in the light is still true in the darkness.

“Your word is a lamp for my feet and a light on my path.” Psalm 119:105

Experiencing God

Post author:Gina B
Post published:September 3, 2014
Post category:faith transition

I’ll never forget the phone call from my husband in Singapore, telling me that we’d been asked to move there. The blood drained from my face at the prospect. I didn’t even know where Singapore was. I thought it was near Fiji (it is not near Fiji).

With less than 5 months to process this change, many details had to fall into place. We arrived on a Thursday night, hours after our co-workers there had been given the key to our new apartment. The next morning, as we sat in our empty dining room, we prayed that our shipment would arrive (we’d heard not a peep from the movers). Within 5 minutes, the doorbell rang. It was the moving company.

Looking back on it, I felt God’s tenderness. He knew how hard it was for us to move to Singapore, to leave behind the life we had. All those details falling into place felt like gifts from Him, saying, “I’m going to get you through this.”

Five years later, when we moved back into East Asia, the process wasn’t so smooth. Visa and shipping issues tied us and pushed our leave date again and again. I finally cried out in exasperation, “God, last time you were so tender with us! Why don’t I see it now?”

His answer was clear, “Because that’s not what you need now.”

It was true. I was overjoyed to be moving back to our previous home. I didn’t need comfort. I needed restoration after a long two years of ill health and loneliness. That summer was three months of glorious God-given re-everything: restoration, refreshment, rejuvenation, re-you name it. And through it all, I felt God rejoicing in giving it to me, cause that’s just the kind of God He is.

After those times, I was curious to see what aspect of His character I would experience most in moving back to the U.S. We moved back two years ago today (what??), so I thought it would behoove me to reflect upon it (and also, I like the word “behoove”).

I think more than anything, I have experienced God as the rock who anchors me. He has been my constant, my solid place. He has kept me from drifting too far from home. He has been the place I can rest when the waves are too strong for me. His strength has tethered me when I have reached the end of my resources again and again. He is the deepest truth about who I am when everything else is shifting sands.

What will He show me next?

Weekly Word – God is God

Post author:Gina B
Post published:April 1, 2014
Post category:faith word of the year

I swear I was not living under a rock for the past decade or so – just 6,000 miles away, give or take. Somehow, during all that time, I managed to live in blissful ignorance of the conversations, arguments, and divides that are taking place in the church today. Either that, or I came back just in time to witness them. Lucky me!

I don’t share much about my personal views on controversial issues here, mostly because I don’t feel led to do so. I watch, though, as others, particularly in the past week, draw more and more lines in the sand intended to separate one faction from another.

It’s discouraging to see, and I can’t help feeling like our energy is being wasted on all these arguments and not on leading people to the Kingdom. It’s enough for me to just say, “Oh Lord Jesus, come now.”

So I stopped last week and said, “God, what does it look like for me to stay in this mess of a church and abide in you?” And the thought that came to mind was, “God is God.”

He is greater than all this. He doesn’t sit afar wringing His hands, hoping we get it right. He is at work, even in all this.

And that’s enough for me. In the end, all will be clear. All theological arguments will be answered. I can believe whatever I want, but in the end there will be truth and maybe I will be right and maybe I will be wrong. I just hope I can say that I lived in such a way that I drew more people to Him. I hope I am known more for who and how I love than what I am against. I hope He will say, “Well done, good and faithful servant.” I hope He will be pleased.

So today I will abide in this: God is God.

Who was and is and is to come

Post author:Gina B
Post published:March 10, 2014
Post category:faith

A few weeks ago, I was wrestling with trust in God. Ok, who I am kidding? I wrestle with trusting God more often than that, but I want to tell you about this particular time. It was regarding our finances. Since coming back to America, I have found life to be more expensive. America is the Land of Opportunity (To Spend More Money on Everything).

As I was struggling to leave this in God’s hands, the phrase came to mind, “Who was and is and is to come.” It’s found several times in Revelations, referring to God. As I pondered that phrase, I realized God was telling me, “Gina, I have provided for you in the past. I am providing for you now. I will provide for you.” It occurred to me that I could say that about any aspect of His character – He has saved, He is saving, He will save. He has loved, He is loving, He will love. He has been good, He is good, He will be good. He has abided, He is abiding, He will abide with me. He was and is and is to come.

It was a great comfort to feel this sense of being surrounded by God in time (and to know that I could therefore trust Him with this issue). This I can count on. Whatever we need. Always. Constant. Faithful. Unchanging. That’s good news. He abides.

Zoom In

Post author:Gina B
Post published:February 24, 2014
Post category:faith word of the year

My favorite piece of camera equipment is my Canon 18-200mm lens, because I love to zoom in. The closer the better. I want to cut out extraneous things and just focus on my subject.

I’m finding this to be true in my on-going quest to abide as well. The more I focus on God, the more He fills my lens, other things are just pushed out. They become less important to me. I care less about my goals unless they are what God is calling me to do. I care less about being seen or known because I am focused on the one who sees and knows me most. I find myself comparing to others less because I simply don’t see them in my view anymore. It’s all Him.

Our pastor touched on this during the sermon this morning when he said, “When Jesus is bigger, when He is our focus, He is enough.” Amen.

It’s true. This week, through a variety of ways, I’ve spent more time thinking about God (preparing a talk for the middle schoolers, listening to podcasts during my drive times, reading 2 Corinthians which is hands down my favorite book of the Bible) and I feel like God’s been bigger to me. I’ve zoomed in. Oh to always have this view.

Adoption

Post author:Gina B
Post published:December 4, 2013
Post category:faith

I recently had the joy of seeing a dear old friend (and by old I mean we’ve known each other a long time. We are not old. There really should be a separate word for this in English) and her family realize their dream of bringing two new daughters home through adoption. They’ve waited so long and their hearts have gone through unspeakable ache to come to this point. It’s awesome to see.

People often talk about adoption in how it reflects God’s adoption of us, but I think this time for me it has become clearer than ever. By that I mean I am more acutely aware of what it means for me, for us, to be adopted into His family.

My friend has written on her blog about the reality for her girls – how as much as they are happy to be adopted, it will take time for them to fully trust this new love, this new family. They have left all they know and come to a strange country and culture. I want to say to them, “You got great parents! You are so loved!” What they may understand at a head level may take time to sink deep into their hearts. I hope it happens quickly.

Aren’t we the same? When we enter a relationship with God, we are brought into a new kingdom, foreign to us. It doesn’t operate the way the world did. We come because we trust, at some level, the kindness of this King. We have no idea how long and how hard He has longed for us, to shower His love on us. Over time, hopefully, we will come to understand the depth of that love and come to define ourselves as His children.

In the meantime, we may have times when we doubt this new love. We may want to look back to things that used to comfort us. We may look at other people, other things, wondering if they will love us more. They won’t. They can’t. I hope that, especially as we look ahead to celebrating the birth of Christ, we can fully trust in this amazing love we have in our Father. He went through everything to get us, and He will not let us go. He longs for us to rest completely in our identity as His beloved children.

We are so very loved.

A Year of Thanks

Post author:Gina B
Post published:November 24, 2013
Post category:gratitude transition

This Friday will mark one year of us being in Florida. One year since that caravan of 2 mini-vans, 9 people, three dogs and a trailer made their way cross-country to this far corner of Orlando. It’s been a good year. So good in fact that I thought I would take this opportunity to give thanks for the many blessings we’ve had, so here goes:

my Friday group – ladies, thank you for being one of the first places here where I could be myself and feel truly loved

our kids’ school – honestly, I can’t imagine a better situation

MK2MK – this is the group where Ethan has found those kids who say, “You too? I thought it was just me” and it has breathed life into him

Old friends – some of our favorite people already lived here in Orlando and I don’t know what I would have done without them (Katie and Jenny – I’m looking at you!)

Our neighborhood – who knew we could find a place here that makes us feel like we continually live at a cabin in northern Minnesota?

soccer – Megan’s passion finally realized, and along with it fun new relationships for all of us

family connections – I am still not completely used to the idea that I can simply pick up the phone and call family members without considering the time zone, but when I do remember I love that it’s true. Even better, visits are much easier too!

libraries – seriously, is there anything greater for a book lover than libraries that deliver to your home?

the work we do – it is humbling to be used by God to do what we love in a way that blesses others

sunsets and sunrises – I gotta say I think Orlando has the corner on these. Un. Real.

our continued Asian connections – people we work with who also lived there, friends visiting from across the ocean, our kids taking up Chinese again

the struggles – the times of disappointment, frustration, anxiety, and grief have brought us together as a family and pushed us closer to the One who loves us

God – I always want to be able to say, year after year, “I know Him better now. I am closer to Him. I trust Him more.” This is definitely true for me in 2013.

Yeah, it’s been a good year.