I’ve had days where I’m worn out, and all I want is a hot bath and a TV show. Or I want to just recline on the couch, probably eating chocolate. You know, self-care.
Some days maybe it’s a long walk or a good book. Some retail therapy or a day at the beach. All good, all good.
Except if you’re like me sometimes you come back from those experiences and you feel just the same as you did before-stressed, worn out, distracted, as Bilbo Baggins famously said, “like butter spread across too much bread.”
Why?
When “self-care” doesn’t cut it
I’ve realized lately that much of what we call self-care doesn’t get to the heart of the issue. It’s an escape, a distraction, a temporary balm. I get away physically but I carry the weight with me. It doesn’t address the deep lies and idols that have probably been the culprit in my detour from a place of health.
So what it is that we need to do instead?
I know I need to begin with being more mindful. When I am, I’m less likely to get to the place where I need to get away from it all, where I am just spent.
We need to be mindful of how we got here in the first place. What’s been missing in my life that has worn me down so much? Chances are it’s not a lack of baths or chocolate (for sure not a lack of chocolate on my part).
How did we get here?
Is it that we haven’t been spending enough time in the spaces and relationships that are life-giving? Have we wandered away from foundational truths that nourish our souls?
Or is it something more practical-have we simply let other people or our own egos plan our schedules to excess? Have we kept an unsustainable pace?
We need to be mindful of the accusations of the enemy that assault us. Mindful of our negative self-talk. Or simply mindful of the noise that shuts out the chance for us to hear God’s voice speaking life.
We need to be honest about where sin or foolishness had led us to live in a way that is unwise, that drains us. Where we have chosen the path of least resistance rather than the healthiest one.
Maybe the way we can care for ourselves the most today is the thing that takes the most courage.
True Self-Care
It might be drawing a stronger boundary with the person who takes too much from us. As hard as it that might be, it is good for both parties.
Maybe it’s sitting in the reality of how something is impacting us, and speaking necessary truth to it. That’s hard work, and it takes time, but that’s how we win the battle for our souls.
It could be a time of confession of where we have lived beyond our limits. That’s humbling to admit, as is scaling back, but it gives our souls space to breathe again.
Self-care might look like ditching the chocolate for something healthier (I mean we can keep this as a last resort, of course).
When we’re tempted to hole up by ourselves, we might actually need to initiate connection with someone who feeds our souls.
Maybe sitting in agonizing silence is the best thing for us. Then we can hear what our souls need to say.
While we’re on that long walk, self-care means dwelling on the truth rather than stewing over our worries.
Self-care isn’t always what comes easiest or most naturally. We have an enemy who wants to keep us worn down, and if he can’t keep us from that, he’ll make sure our time away from activity doesn’t really refresh us.
So we have to be intentional. Wherever we encounter resistance in our souls we need to ask why. What might our souls ask for that requires more of us than a temporary getaway? Let’s choose self-care that truly restores.
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